Lore of Anskarion

burn?

2012-01-19T03:13:00.003+08:00

it does

Garbhgl baarghl

2011-04-12T16:04:00.004+08:00

Career

2011-04-11T23:30:00.004+08:00

Hey Yingying, you can try these links, some are quite fun! hahah

http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/career-quiz/Results.aspx?red=011011000111001101100000

Interpreting Your Results

Your Career Planner Quiz results appear below, grouped under "Interests" and "Style." "Interests" are activities you enjoy, regardless of your skills. "Style" refers to the behaviors you use to get results. There are four possible rating categories organized by color.

RED = Expediting	BLUE = Planning
GREEN = Communicating	YELLOW = Administrating

Your Quiz Results

People with Blue interests like activities that allow them to be creative. This can be through more traditional visual arts, writing or musical pursuits although not limited to these. The creativity is often expressed in thinking of new ideas or strategies that can have a broad range of applications. Blue interests often like thinking about the future and planning for long term benefits. Hobbies include: performing or listening to music, attending theater, story telling, journaling, decorative arts, painting. Career choice often are: Editor, Journalist, Teacher, Strategic Planner, Consultant, Performing Arts, Marketing, Communications, Research and Development.

People with Yellow strengths are good at managing details and creating sophisticated processes that allow them to get complex work done. Once a game plan has been put in place, it is implemented. Their decisions are based on facts and carefully reasoned. When working with other people, they are fair and democratic and always can be counted on to deliver what they commit to.

http://blogs.payscale.com/content/2007/02/overcome_your_c.html

Overcome Your Career Change Fear: 5 Expert Tips

If you're ready for a career change but haven't yet figured out how to get there, follow these tips from Harvard's Dr. Timothy Butler and life coach C.J. Liu. Before you know it, you'll be on your way to a new career.

1. Look at the issues that make you crave change and outline your goals.
What are you satisfied with about your current situation? What are you dissatisfied with? Is it your boss or the culture of your organization? Or do you really want to change careers? Outline your goals - for example, more money, more time off or more flexibility. Write it all down.

2. Work to understand your inner critic
Observe thoughts that trap you with fear and prevent you from achieving your objectives. Write these down on a piece of paper, then crumple it up and throw it away to symbolize your freedom from thoughts that interfere with your goals and dreams.

3. Recognize recurring patterns in your life
What makes you happy? What are your recurring interests and social needs? What makes a work environment feel or not so good to you? Write it down.

4. Network and investigate career interests that map to your goals and needs
Once you've identified your patterns and desires, start thinking about careers that make sense for you. Give yourself one to three months to explore your curiosity by finding people who do these jobs and talking about the pros and cons of their work. Explore anything and everything until you're satisfied - or until your time runs out.

5. Make a plan that takes your financial situation into account.
Change is never simple, but having a plan that outlines your steps and financial requirements makes it doable. Will your new career require additional education, a small business loan, time off from work or relocation? Make a plan with financial considerations and a realistic timeline and that you can follow through on.

This one isn't very accurate, but I like the way they categorize the tests, helps you describe yourself better.
http://www.ipersonic.com/career/?gclid=CKWDkt7nlKgCFcN56wodNTxTNA

other links:

http://www.suite101.com/content/how-to-choose-a-career-path-a64147

http://www.job-interview-site.com/how-to-decide-on-a-career-how-to-choose-a-career-path.html

nozzle alignment check

2011-04-06T05:36:00.007+08:00

Its 5.36am and I am studying hard (debatable) as usual. Have a final class test tmr and I'm so prepared I don't think I'd get zero.

This is like the emo time zone or something hahaha its always between 4-6 that my cognitive faculty swings into overdrive. Its like how some printers do routine nozzle cleaning and alignment checks, or how some computers auto-defrag at 2am every morning.

Some things have been bothering me for some time, that I've been trying to address, to zero success.

I wish I could possess true humility, not just outwardly but innately as a spirit. Its not natural to me, though I really want it to be. There are always these thoughts which pop up that I have to consciously struggle against to suppress every time, before they materialize as actions or words (and often I fail). I guess at the end of the day, I'm just not as amiable and transparent a person as I hoped to be.

Feels like there are so many things that I try to hide, this feeling it's one of insecurity. How come? Don't know leh. I conceal my weaknesses, to keep my image and pride, and maybe this is why I find it so hard to open up to people. One day there will be someone who will peel off these defenses and understand me inside out. I just hope she won't be disappointed with what she discovers, which would be the real deal - it definitely doesn't live up to the packaging.

I dislike the way I think. The way I perceive the things around me, its stained with a lot of negativity, still. I dislike that I think, why think so much, just live and be content as it is. Its not like I make very good decisions anyway. Why bother keeping up a prim and proper image, or why bother about it at all. The gravity of my somberness weighs me down that I cannot run and jump with retarded joy.

I wish I could be a clique person, I dislike cliques because I can't fit in them, and I kinda know the reason why, its cumulative of some of the fore-mentioned factors.

I want to be a courtyard extrovert, and not a closet introvert.

I wish I could be more easily contented with things, and not always hope that I could be doing better elsewhere in other contexts, or that things could be better, just like what I'm doing now. I wish I wouldn't worry so much and I wish I could accept things as they are. Its a mindset problem, I need a new frame that faces nicer perspectives.

I read somewhere that happiness is not a destination, if it were to be conditional, then I'd never be happy. It's an emotion, and being an emotion, it comes and it goes, it doesn't persist, and you can't fix it up as a goal either. Just be happy when you're happy, and that's happiness. I need to internalize that.

I'm one big complex, one big walking contradiction, and I hope people can see that. I wish that they would dig deep enough to discover that, past my stubborn resistance. Beyond that I wish they'd empathize and if possible help me.

It's draining to continually suppress. I desire to express and be understood, but I am my hurdle. I want to be honest, not just in blog posts.

It's not that I'm just complaining and not trying, but these problems are kinda beyond me really, so all I can do is pray about it.

Oh well.

K back to work.

P.S I not emo-ing, this called reflection (:

ahhhhh

2011-04-03T16:08:00.003+08:00

Creative thought process (reductive)

B-day videos out! :D

2011-03-30T02:01:00.005+08:00

HI ALL

Just received birthday videos from my friend, and I've uploaded a few YAY :D

I know I sing bad, please pardon me, I cringe too. I'd most likely be embarrassed next time when I revisit these. Doesn't hit me now, but months later I'd re-watch and go like "shit I sound like garbage, shouldn't have posted".

But, as always, I get too excited that I can't not share. So tadaa. I'd think about saving my image next time.

I'm improving at least!
I have two buddies who said I suck though, specifically "you have a long way to go" and "your voice is not good" although the latter was out of accident. Hahah but brutal honesty ftw (:

Honestly I'm quite blown away by the instrumentals, and the balance especially, its like wow, balanced. No shortage of mistakes fo'sure, but the tightness and dynamics is quite amazing. The wall of sound created is also so soothingly rich know? Not the usual noisy.

I'm probably overstating everything, but you know, its an impromptu thing. Hearing how the music unfolds as our instrumentals weave in, it feels kinda magical to me. Makes me happy (:

Maybe its my humble expectations.. HAHAH.

why you laugh.

But nah its cos I have very musical friends (:

Samuel Tham this song's for you. hahaha. I still haven't learned Look after You, but have this instead!

Bernard for you, don't sad hahah.

Lastlyy, the must-have song.

This for all you dear friends (:

Sorry for all the times where I've failed as a friend, annoyed you with my stuck-up-ness, or taken you for-granted. I'm only human ): But, would like you to know that I thank God for you, even if it doesn't seem like it (:

If we hold on together

2011-03-22T02:49:00.003+08:00

Oh man, the days of childhood, they are so far away ):

When have I ever stopped to reminisce about my childhood? Not in the past 10 years at least.

Don't lose your way, with each passing day.
You've come so far, don't throw it away.

Live believing, dreams are for weaving.
Wonders are waiting to start.

Live your story, faith hope and glory.
Hold to the truth in your heart.

I used to love dinosaurs very much hahaha, and I drew up drawing them. Not buildings.
Red was my favorite colour. Now I don't really have a favorite colour.

On a lighter note, seems like my wallpaper's been affected by the Earthquake. It was linked from a Japanese site.

HI

2011-03-21T05:57:00.002+08:00

"The most heartbreaking part of a breakup is that moment when you realize that all the dreams you had, all those visions you had being with this person disappears. Everything after that moment is moving on."

- Taylor Swift

Never been through one, but I guess its still relate-able with my pseudo-incidences, hahah. But break-ups probably hurt 10x more. Not keen to experience one.

its 6am and I realized I haven't updated this page in like forever. And I'm still doing my archi work no sleep as usual. Sorry for the lack of updates dear friends! Lazy to type long posts.

I've been tweeting though it's more on-the-fly-ish hahah you could follow my daily epiphanies at www.twitter.com/nauxx.

To update you, life is... Well I don't know. Its too assorted an experience for me to pin down in a nutshell haha. Good I guess.

There has been a girl (I know you're not surprised, TSK), but to no end as usual. Open-ended rather, continuation possible, just not now. Don't ask haha it's complicated. Really.

I think God doesn't think I'm ready for relationships or something, possibly because he wants me to focus and get my church priorities right first, which I am starting to sort out. But I trust He has a very pleasant surprise in store somewhere right. Whoever you are, you must be somewhere in this world, I just pray that you be blessed with health, sleep (for good complexion), and Godly wisdom.

Actually I'd also like to pray that you love your parents, learn to play some instruments, learn to sing well, maybe grade 5 ballet, and maybe leave long hair before I meet you.

Before you judge me for being superficial and picky, I'm just kidding of course. hahaha.

Actually no maybe I'm not. I can pray for anything right. But seriously, dear wife to be, please be kept chaste. In every aspect.

My birthday just passed last week, and it was splendid (: I'm blessed with really wonderful friends.

So, I'm 23 now. I feel it. Societal pressures and responsibilities are eagerly edging in, looming over the gate of 26. It's not here yet but 3 years will be fast. After that, I need to get employed, work 3-4 years before I be financially stable enough for marriage. And to get married I need to date at least 3 years first so that means ideally I should get attached at 26 to get married at 30.

I told a friend and she says "gosh you guys really like to plan things out". Really? I thought girls should tend to worry more.

Honestly, there are only two things in life that stress me out, 1) career and 2) marriage. I just feel that they are the two essential things I need in life, besides God and family of course. And it bugs me much because I have none of them now. I really dislike the feeling of not being in control, some complex I have. Sometimes I don't understand myself, how come academics and exams don't bug me at all, when they ultimately affect (1). Or rather how come I find it so hard to entrust these two areas to God.

I've been exploring song writing recently, wrote two songs (: I will start uploading videos onto youtube soon I guess. As in like after exams.

Obviously, I am getting incoherently gibberish, so I will end here. And my work is nowhere near complete.

So. Good night friend (: Nice to have you around. You are very very much appreciated.

Just saying!

Shit

2011-01-27T03:07:00.002+08:00

Life is a mess, and my mind is everywhere it shouldn't be.

Dear God please help me to focus and prioritize please, I am dying/going to die like this.

Life's short, live your dreams

2010-11-18T01:16:00.003+08:00

Hahaha stumbled upon these, damn cute. The second one's a little sad, you can go look up the original version from this youtube link, its normal-er in the sense that it has normal sound effects and not sad music. Nevermind I'd just link it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs&NR=1

"Are you willing to die for your dreams"

OMG

2010-11-14T21:24:00.011+08:00

I just found out I was a Dean's lister holy crap how come I don't even know.

I don't believe it but what the shit that's some good news thank God (:

I just happened to see it under the student participation and awards record. The issue date is June 2010 but I believe it's more like an end of year update for Sem 1 and not Sem 2 cos my Sem 2 was quite flunk max hahah. I have no idea how this works man, but it's sure nice to see it there yay.

Anyway its been some time mate, thanks if you're still here much appreciated. Looks like I've been overrun by spam taggers hmmm.

So, I'm still in architecture, and the dreaded design module is over. It's study time HOW I MISS STUDYING. I've never realized the joys of studying until I was in HC. I think I've said this before, but thanks again Bernard! Anyhows I don't really get to study much nowadays, its sad. Berns I will continue drawing the sperm warz story after exams.

Recently did a video assignment on NTU's chinese heritage center, damn fun it was, gave me a chance to catch up with NBS friends. Actually... I could have been there but wtf screw you thoughts. It was so fun that I submitted the assignment 4 days past deadline cos I wanted to make it a good one, for my ex-ntu relatives, ntu cousins, brother, and ntu friends. PS try this at your own risk, I asked my tutor for permission first of course, plus we're quite buddy and I am group rep ahaha. I'd probably put it on youtube soon for you guys.

Started jamming again, its gonna be high season soon I hope. Anddd preparing an item for birthday bash already, I'm going to make sure it's wickeder this time hahaha. Oh I'm helping out with Huiwen's hall band! Hooray the more the merrier, and every band I play for is obliged to play for my birthday, its a contract thing, albeit unwritten unspoken.

Need to start exercising some too, must stay competitive in the single's market. Oh do keep the friend suggestions coming too please.

Plans plans plans. I need an overseas escape this dec holidays, and I'd like to get back dancing after the exams. Will sign up for ACCA part-time course too, but next year since I've missed the Aug intake. Considering CFA too but don't know need to do more research. Yes the workload in archi is fucked up but I don't find it fulfilling enough. I need something more to push myself, no harm mate. There are 2 possible outcomes that could come out of this: either I excel and manage everything well or I wake up my idea. It's cool.

I want an ear-stud, what say you?

Aight that's about all that I can think off now, let me leave you with snippets of what we actually do in architecture. Most of the time, I find myself loving the outcomes and products, but the process is just disgusting shit hate it.

I'm feeling quite delirious now so I'd say this today and think about the repercussions tomorrow: I actually like you but I was afraid you'd be on a rebound (hell I don't even know how it works) so I stayed away. Didn't know if it was mutual or not, and no balls to take the risk. And then I didn't follow up and things changed, other guys show up, and now it seems the gulf's a little too deep to bridge. What happens next? Don't knowww. JUST SAYIN. I'd probably delete this when I'm sober and thinking.

(edit: no need to delete. no implications)

So CIAO. All the best for the upcoming papers and cheers to the awesome holidays that come after yeah tc God bless.

Oh one last thing that's been bothering me:

Should I buy Starcraft 2 or Call of Duty Black Ops omg omg omg.

2010-09-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

Process

2010-08-10T04:58:00.002+08:00

Rag draft concept, 26 May, 2010

Candy Land : The Great RAG Adventure

Characters:

Gingerbread Jib, Mr/Lord Licorice, Candyland Citizens, Licorice army, Candy princesses

Float Concept:

Giant magical castle of Candy land, Gumdrop mountains, Peppermint Forest

Scene 1: (Gumdrop mountains, outside Candy Land)

Mr Licorice trudges on along the beaten path, toward the yonder wilderness. His aimless eyes stare on into the bleak void of the ever obscuring distance, as each shuffle of his laden footstep takes him a step further from the majestic candy gates of Candy Land, a place he once called home; but now no longer. Narration has it that Mr Licorice had left because he was no longer able to tolerate the state’s perception induced prejudice toward licorice, and its general un-acceptance of his licorice consuming ways. A state-wide poll had revealed that only 0.5% of the population stood in favour of Licorice as opposed to Candy, and Mr Licorice wholly represented that 0.5%. . His head hung low, neither in shame nor contrition, but rather in disappointment; along with a dangerous stew of brewing resentment and vexation.

Suddenly, he trips over an irregular protrusion from the ground / spots a bright shiny object in the periphery of his vision. Groaning while recovering from the ground / pausing and peering over to scrutinise its form, he realised that it was an awesome crown, half embedded within (something). Bemused, he picked it up and placed it over his head, only to be overwhelmed by a surge of power flowing through his body. The awesome power transformed even his shabby coat into a sinister looking cloak. The clear sky became overshadowed, and menacing gusts were rushing in and around him, which somehow resembled fire extinguisher emissions. He raised his hands, and an evil smirk spread across his face, “nice..... >:D”. Empowered for vengeance, he (a) snapped his fingers, and a mindless villainous trolley squeaked and rolled into place. He stepped aboard and was skated off the scene, (b) ran off the scene, his evil laughter trailing in his wake.

Scene 2: (Candy Land Castle backdrop)

Gingerbread boy Jib had travelled the Rainbow road in search of the annual Sweet Celebration, when he stumbled upon the marvellous candy gates of Candy Land. With his touristy outfit and trusty harvest sack, he entered through and was very warmly received by the locals. They were excited to have a visitor and were intrigued by his part flour part sugar physique. They scurried to have his harvest sack and excessive tourist loads removed. The Candy Land citizens comprised of assorted candies, as well as the very pretty candy princesses, and together they showed Jib around. They danced and sang in jubilee, and even the magical castle moved and grooved along. Suddenly, they realised that something was amiss: the Candy Land Castle behind them was changing. Shades of sinister black were forming over the brightly coloured hues of the Candy Castle at a gradual but very constant rate. Much murmuring broke out between the Candies, along with much pointing and gesture exchanges between them worried faces.

Scene 3: (Candy Castle, [turning to the] evil side)

Suddenly, LORD Licorice burst forth into the scene, (riding on his trolley?), with his minion of (to be decided by the costumes team). Some of the Candy mates scream and scamper away, while the rest cower and retreat towards the backdrop. Some of them just stone in shock and confusion and have to be pulled away. LORD Licorice had returned with a vengeance, armed with a vow to turn the brightly coloured Candy Land into a licorice hued expanse. They do a war dance, and halfway through / at the start, he lets off an evil laugh, and at the wave of his hand, the entire Candy Castle turned evil in an instant. With the wave of his other hand, licorice vines crept out and entangled the castle. . His evil licorice aura was not only changing the castle, but black licorice spots were appearing on the candy mates as well! They panicked and struggled to have the spots rubbed off.

He issues for an order to have the candy mates captured, and a scuffle ensues (in dance form, with a very graceful clash of colours and organized confusion, I personally think it’d involve more capturing and evading rather than 2 sided aggression). The candy mates became quickly subdued and captured by the licorice army, except for Gingerbread Jib and a few surviving candies who found concealment somewhere in the backdrop beside a tree/bushes/something. The gigantic candy gates open, and a giant ramp is lowered, bridging the chocolate moat (?), and LORD Licorice steps up to the platform, orchestrating his attack, and letting off evil laughs once in awhile. Cock-eyed as he is, while looking to the sky and laughing, he is unable to spot Gingerbread Jib and his team below him.

Noticing this, Gingerbread Jib seized the opportunity to rally his remaining survivors against the nefarious LORD Licorice. He stood up, and proposed a plan to his fellow comrades. They proceeded to create a contraption that would help them defeat LORD Licorice, and chckhcktingtingpiak within seconds it was done. One of them raises up the contraption in celebration when it was completed and behold, a (self extending toy tweezer / giant vacuum cleaner / gigantic fan / hooked candy cane)! Gingerbread Jib jumps out of concealment and runs into centre stage, and points a finger at LORD Licorice in a very defiant manner. LORD Licorice sees this as a challenge, and steps down to accept the fight. His army moves aside so as not to obstruct him. Gingerbread Jib has thus effectively created a distraction, and the rebellion plan is set into action. His candy mate comrades sneak out of concealment, two of them squat to form an elevated platform for the third, who steps on top and uses the tweezer/candycane/whatever contraption to remove the crown off LORD Licorice’s head.

LORD Licorice was absolutely caught by surprised, and turns around in shock, stunned. The candy mates throw the crown to Jib, who catches it and wears it. The licorice army, now under the control of Jib, turn their gaze towards Mr Licorice, now powerless, helpless. A candy kid jumps out and points off stage with a pout, signalling that he leaves. Mr Licorice quietly abides, and solemnly walks off.

Scene 4: (Candy land back to good, and even more exuberant than usual, plus nicely decorated licorice-inspired designs)

Just as he takes a few steps away, Gingerbread Jib grabs him by his shoulders. He turns around, expecting to be captured, but Jib, now empowered, waves his hand and the Candy Castle returns to its glorious former appearance. Jib looks at Licorice, as though to say “look”, then he waves his hand again, and this time Licorice incorporated designs pop out of the castle as well. He turns back toward Licorice with a warm smile, and Licorice immediately understands the significance of this gesture: We can happily co-exist in mutual respect. (This wasn’t decided but I think Jib should remove and break the crown into half somewhere). They hug and everyone is happy, and the candy mates run out again, interacting with the licorice dudes. They all do a happy mass dance and co-exist happily ever after.

Overdue Account

2010-06-25T04:27:00.002+08:00

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached

It's the packaging

2010-06-22T02:20:00.003+08:00

Here's an article I stumbled upon:

Why white guys are attracted to Asian women

"There is, in fact, one primary reason that white guys (and no doubt Asian and black guys too)are attracted to Asian girls.

It's the packaging. The package, and the stereotypes conveyed by the package are what hold the appeal.

They're generally slim, and that means slim all over. You seldom see an Asian girl who's top-heavy, or bottom heavy, or particularly curved in any way.

The shape and angle of their eyes produces an illusion of flirtatiousness and subservience - they are permanently, whether they choose to or not, looking from beneath lashes

The shape of their face tends to to be rounded, with taut skin, and their features tend to be small and delicate within that rounded frame - to the extent of being doll-like, when cosmetics are used to emphasise.

They are petite. You are not going to find an Asian girl who towers over anyone.

They tend to have high, even fluting, voices.

What this adds up to is an overall impression of being childlike, not in a way that calls to a pedophile response, particularly; because they are usually clearly adult, but in a way that stimulates the natural/socialised response of a "strong" male to protect what is apparently fragile. An Asian girl may be hard as nails - just like her caucasian counterpart - but her combination of size, smooth skin, slimness, upward glance and childlike voice will make her present as intensely "feminine" in the old damsel in distress fashion, right before she beats the shit out of you on the judo mat. This is especially true, of course, in girls raised within Asian cultures, which emphasise specifically feminine behaviours for women, but is also evident in Asian girls raised in Western traditions.

This is not meant as any kind of derogatory judgment of men, or Asian girls, but an analysis of the artifice of nature. The physical peculiarities of the young Asian female are such that she tends to present to men partly as a little girl - and nothing is more guaranteed to arouse a tender, protective response than a girl-child -- and partly as a flirt, sexually available and challenging but ultimately non-threatening. It's hardly surprising, then, that men are attracted.

You'll note that throughout, I've used the word "girl", rather than "woman". This is because with age, the particular attraction of Asian over other races of women fades fast. When the illusion of childishness disappears, so does the intense aura of femininity, slimness becomes gauntness and tendency to lack curves can often lead to an almost genderless appearance in middle-age and beyond, where other races of women retain a greater level of feminine allure (Yoko Ono, as compared to Susan Sarandon, for example).

Oolong reminds me that I should specify that I'm speaking of East Asian women in this write up. He's right, I should. "

Source

Which is why no caucasians for me hahaha. Unless they're like Jamie Sullivan a-walk-to-remember. Speaking of which, WA I feel like watching it again!

Architect

2010-05-31T22:28:00.007+08:00

never to be

I received my grades on Monday, 31st May, the very day I had to make my decision. They were not too bad (surprisingly good actually), an A for architectural construction, a B+ for climate responsive architecture, and a B- for biophysical environment (considering that I missed a tutorial which constituted 12.5%). My design was C+, which didn't come as a surprise. I had ponned so many tutorials anyway, until my tutor refused to grade my final crit presentation. Sigh. (I apologized after term ended anyway and we laughed and all was good)

I was actually hoping that my grades would be bad enough, such that they could assuage my dilemma to an extent where I can say "oh well, even if I want to stay, I can't live with such grades". I schemed to have them left to die, but no, they gleefully returned. They hopped out of my sms and onto my lap, and with a smile of blissful ignorance they looked up at me and exclaimed: "Heyy Xuan! How have you beennn, don't worry bout us we're still doing very fine (: Where did you go! You disappeared for awhile so we been a little affected, but naw anyway, look at us aren't you proud of us! heehee :D"

My heart melted, and I hugged all of them "of course I am so proud of you guys! (: Aww c'mon! You guys are my babies". I tried to smile, but it couldn't last, guilt was bearing down on me. Soon, my head was hung low in shame.

I thought they didn't know, but I was wrong. With his tiny feet, C+ came tottering over to me, and tugged at my shirt. I looked at him, and he was still beaming so radiantly, even though he was the shabbiest, and the most beat-up among the rest (thanks to my neglect for Design assignments). He patted my hand and said: "Hey Xuan, don't worry we understand what you're going through, but don't worry. I could have easily been "D"ead, but I'm not. You know why? Because we are your results, and because you never fail. I was an "A" once when you still cared about me, and you will always have the capacity to change us. So don't worry naw, we'd always support you where ever you go. We believe in you (:"

"Thank you so much guys...", I patted their heads, and they began to fade away as they waved good bye.

Once again, I was left with me and myself, and reality. Putting all humility and whatever-consciousness aside, I unabashedly say: "Hey, I think I'm really cut out for archi, I have the potential to excel here, no really."

But I'm transferring out.

So, what's the problem now? I've asked myself countless times, why wouldn't architecture be the course for me?

First I'd remind myself why architecture: It's a professional degree, it has prospects. I'm doing well in it. I take pride in my designs. It is a really meaningful profession. The pay is good. Green architecture is really awesome. I could help save the world. 5 years isn't too long. I love archicon. I love creative problem solving and this is what architecture is all about.

And then, I'd always come up with reasons why not: what I like is art, and architecture is not art. Art is personal, liberal, architecture is not. I design for myself. I hate conformity. I can't stand designing for other people, fulfilling clients' requests, or obeying and dutifully materializing out my boss's design, cos after all, they are all not MINE. I don't like the idea of having to stare at black autocad screens (as if excel spreadsheets are any better) all day long, or work long hours, having to change or alter designs based on the whim and fancy of my client/boss right up till the deadline. I lack the passion and I will never be able to dedicate every minute of my day thinking about my design and how I can improve on it. Without this passion, I'd go nowhere. I never had an interest in buildings anyway (actually it's growing). The pedagogy is so bullshit I'm not learning anything out of it (true but I think we're supposed to acquire them ourselves through books), and the assignments are all rubbish I don't see what I'm supposed to gain out of them (It'd get less fluffy and more practical in the later years, or at least I hope). There are so many terrible architecture around seriously, I'm losing faith in this profession. (I can be one of the better ones). The list goes on but it's getting late I'd stop.

As I pondered, there would always be these bubbles of thoughts popping out which disagree with my disagreements with architecture, and they are as stated above, enclosed within brackets. Thus, I was never thoroughly convinced of my decision to leave. I felt as though I was running away from something.

Hours before I clicked that dreadful button, I interrogated myself over and over again; all fruitless. Then I realized I had been missing the salient question:

"What is the real reason I want to leave?"

I finally confessed: it's because I'm lazy. Because I want assignments that I can finish in a jiffy and get them done and over with. Because I want assignments that are definite, that have an end point that isn't the deadline. Because I am too lazy to spend time thinking about designs and architecture. Because I'd rather spend the time doing all the other things that I love doing. Of course, architecture will never be my main priority, and that is the biggest problem in itself: Passion and commitment are the core requisites that this course/profession demands, and I will never be able to fulfill them. It isn't hard, to just sit down on my table and start doodling or dreaming out concepts for my models. But because it's so intangible and formless, I just can't bring myself to start. Design's a tiring process, which is why I dread it. I'd rather take the simpler path out, I am just terribly LAZY.

_____________________________________________

The deadline's over. I've clicked that button.

Now, what's left to think about? Plenty. Should I? No. I've learned.
Retrospection is never pleasant, besides revealing burdens of the past, there is never much to be gained. All these self stirring digs up regrets, and I will only find within these, greater barriers to acceptance. Neither will I find happiness, because happiness flees the instance it is sought. You pause, and you think, and before you can even form the words "am I happy?" in your head, it's gone.

Move on pal. Leave the heartache for another day. Leave it for the day it hits.

Involuntarily. Inevitably.

When the stars go blue

2010-05-27T01:43:00.000+08:00

I'm an architecture student

2010-05-19T14:14:00.004+08:00

I should say, while I can.

I had a dream one night, about a month back during the study week. I was in school, when I received an envelope. I tore off its seal, and enclosed were my application results. "Rejected," it read. Troubled, agonized, "why??", I was pacing around school with my laptop, scouring the school website for any confirmation that would state otherwise. I bumped into some of my archi friends along the way. I explained my predicament, and they responded with sincere concern. "Harrr..". He said: "nevermind lar you still have us yay".

I awoke the next morning with a deeply furrowed countenance. A queer sour sensation was stirring within my chest, and my heart pulsations felt more pronounced than usual. My eyes weren't the usual moist either. The dream bothered me, so I sat on my bed for a moment, pondering. It didn't help, and I was still confused, after all I had already spent 3 years wondering if architecture was good for me. All I knew then was that, given the circumstance, whatever time I had left with the guys shouldn't be neglected and thrown to waste, but rather be conscientiously wrapped up and shelved neatly into the archive of treasured memories. With that in mind, I headed to school to study with a dear friend.

Few weeks on I had an interview for ntu accounts, which went pretty well. The interviewer actually said "you know what, I actually like you a lot. I am going to give you the course now", so I was like "hahahah okay I take". So there, there isn't anything else in the way.. except for me and my head.

I walked out of the interview room, beaming with pride and satisfaction. Just for the interview I had gone shopping for black business pants and slim fit zara shirts the day before. Just this morning today I spent half a day reading parts of a 5cm thick manual titled "Accounting: the language of Business".

What's this excitement that fills me while slipping on executive shirts and overalls? What's this very unusual zeal I have that causes me to read up or even read at all? All these actions I don't understand, and I cannot validate them. There's this lingering "what-if" floating around that I suppose I can never find an answer to, and it'd most certainly bug me for life, just whether or not I choose to entertain it. Sure, Accountancy's a bright path, logically undisputed. Does it truly reflect what I desire? Maybe. Maybe not, and maybe I'm just a fool in denial, convinced that I am thinking for myself, when in actual fact I'm merely making decisions based on the Xuan that I wish to be, that I am not. Have I been living a farce?

Sickening, all these dreary maybe's. Life would be simpler if there weren't no mental faculty for meta cognition, but it's innate and I can't help but think, so bear with me.

Perhaps there is much to be contrite about, that maybe I'm just another pathetic statistic of the Singapore-syndrome demographic. Practicality-driven drones as we are, enslaved to the vicious cycle of ever ascending achievements. From where does happiness derive for these people? (us?) Not from the simple pleasures of being able to marvel at the work of our hands, of being able to admire up and down and 10 times over, the architectural masterpiece as materialized from the blueprints painstakingly laid through days and nights of geometric lines and black autocad screens. Not from the thrill of walking into a room, decorated with a perfect composition of harmonious colors, and then proudly explaining to your friends how x and y exist z degrees apart within the color wheel thus birthing their complementary co-existence. Not from the gratifying sensation of running your fingertips along the textured walls of the corridor as you have chosen them to be, or of seeing how your part fits into the whole and then witnessing and exclaiming at how awesomely the glorious whole turns up, more than the sum of its parts.

Not.

This satisfaction stems from pride and achievement. Promotions, burgeoning payrolls, parking lots with inscribed vehicle registration numbers; to excel they strive.

So, which is more meaningful?
Yeah, it's a pity.

Perhaps, my mindset is fundamentally not so different from the very elitists that I despise. Someone tell me that it's fine.

I envy.

Architectural students shouldn't be pitied for their miserable notions of Life (if any at all), because there's much to envy if you think about it. The camaraderie and friendships, forged through countless hours of working together, getting tired together, stay overs and deadline rushes are experiences that I will never be able to enjoy, because I dread Design and studio. I mean, where else does such a community exist in university life. The dedication they pour into their works, and the passion that costs them their sleep, are traits that I'd never be able to summon. They have that fire that burns in their eyes when they build them models, it's so powerful it's scary, and yet inspiring. They complain just as much, but you can tell that they really want to do it. You can tell that I really don't, but I really wish I could say I do. The joy and satisfaction of staring lifelessly at the finally completed model after nights of slogging; it's priceless, and I'm really glad that I was at least able to enjoy that. People who chase their passions, I envy.

This path that I'm walking, I must go alone

as Fergie sings it. Indeed.

It'd be sad, but I think I've been hit hard enough by too many departures to be much affected by this one. It numbs. I hope. Sometimes I wonder if I'd be missed should I really disappear next sem, and then my brain tells me "you think?! you don't even work in studio".

Sigh :(

A friend told me that if I could remember my dreams, they wouldn't come true. If that were true, it'd hardly involve a choice, after all how is it possible to forget a dream like that. Heart wrenching, but a conclusion at least. Shyt.

你读了吗？

2010-04-26T00:55:00.006+08:00

勤奋读书背手稿，
快快乐乐不烦恼.
迟睡早起身体好,
头发乱乱很时髦.
当天早餐吃饱饱，
心情愉快进去考.
落花流水/难不倒？
只要考完了就好！

轩日

Whoa my Chinese be awesomes :D

*clapclap*

the promise

2010-03-30T00:22:00.003+08:00

永久に愛の約束

(:

When I'm supposed to be rushing models instead.

Haengbok, Shiawase (:

2010-03-26T03:33:00.008+08:00

Just watched Virgin Snow (Hatsuyuki no koi), a korean/jap show staring Lee Ju.nki and Aoi Miya.zaki. Niceeeeeeeeeeee and sweeeett. Waa it's like two awesome actors + both of my favorite cultures combined into one movie. It's another "Weixuan recommends!", alongside "Be With You".

Argh I should really stop watching these kinda shows, they don't happen in real life. Maybe the sweet fateful coincidences, but maybe not so 3 of them in a row, and definitely not the background music.

"Ame.." / "Bi.."

I'd get to write my own story someday. Soon please.

Shiawase wo machiwabite. Akirame nai de, gambatte na.

My Japanese cousins arrived in Singapore today. Went over to visit them when school ended. School was a mad rush today, a 3 hour design assignment worth 30%. 3 hours for precedent studies, climate comparison, thinking, re-designing, writing and drawing to fill up an A1, not quite enough.

Anyway, she brought back the pink little booklet I drew on for her in Japan last time, so that I can draw more for her. In exchange, she said she'd teach me more Japanese. hahahah, damn cute. Good deal though. I managed to draw 3 drawings for her, within like, half an hour, which is like pretty damn fast for me hahahah I'm so proud of myself. In turn, she taught me how to describe the drawings. I borrowed the book back to scan, I'd upload them for you guys to see soon.

After tonight's dvd, I roughly know what kinda theme I'd be sticking by for the next few drawings. hahaha.

They'd only be staying till next Fri though, so, can't spend much time with them. Wish I could visit them more but time is tight. It's very tight in fact, with 3 major datelines next week, a performance for some chingay thing this Sat, and dancesport nationals next Sat. Malaysian nationals 2 weeks later, and then exams right after that.

But, I'd like to finish up my incomplete "flower garden"/"progress" drawing before they leave. It's supposed to be a surprise gift, but it's been on hiatus for wayy too long. And, I'd probably pon a day of school to company them out to play.

Now for a dose of incoherent whimsicalities:

I want to go Japan during my long hols, when the Sakuras are still in bloom.
And then find myself a Japanese girlfriend.
Or I might drop by Korea to do just that.
The next time I visit these places, I'd dig out their street culture enclaves, and battle their bboys. Then, I'd be assimilated into their group, make new friends, and find a bgirlfriend naisee.
I want a shiny new bass, and the new Boss multi-effects pedal.
I want my bird to stop mimicking weird noises now at 4am. Makes me wonder, what on earth has she been listening to while we aren't around.
I want a pen that can make my drawings come to life.
I want my shoulder to stay in place.

Btw, thanks much dear friends. 22nd was awesome thanks to all of you (: I was really awesomely happy. Makes me feel like celebrating it every Friday, so that i can invite you guys down again. Looking forward to 23!

Oh ya I am now on like, twitter. hahaha you can find me there

Butterfly dusts

2010-03-22T04:06:00.005+08:00

Saw this on some forum, hahah quite interesting.

A butterfly descends on my finger, and I reach out with my other hand to caress it, ever so gently, only to have it fluttering away the moment I touch it.

It flitters away to the neighboring meadow, and skims along the undulating carpet of wild flowers and dandelions, dyed a beautiful golden by the warmth and essence of the weary setting sun. It lingers for awhile longer, as if to check if I were following, before finally disappearing into the glare of the horizon.

I am left standing, hand outreached, squinting into the distant landscape. Bemused? with a tinge of despondence.

The butterfly has disappeared, just as all the butterflies before it have. But as with every passing butterfly that has visited, specks of shimmery dusts were left behind, rubbed off from that one stroke. They call it butterfly powder. Alluring, enchanting, intriguing.

Each butterfly is unique, each with its own magic. I lift up my finger to inspect the remnant dust, oh how they glisten under the evening sun. I bring my finger to my nose, and I breathe them in.

I turn, and stroll back towards the solitude of my shelter, a wry smile breaks forth from the corner of my lips.

Butterfly dust nourishes, it catalyzes growth, it engenders change. What was strength to the butterfly is now strength for me.

The dust is at work, I've acquired something new yet again. I am different.

Butterflies change me, and with each encounter, I am a step closer to becoming the Butterfly Man.

Wurtt???

Errrrrrr. Never mind. hahahah.
It's my 4am cryptic partial-sanity.

Pull up

2010-03-08T01:06:00.008+08:00

Grab the flight consoles, and pull up now, cause we're going to crash, and it's gonna burn real bad.

Wake up.

It's not worth it, you deserve better. Times have changed, the weather is as bleak as it can get. Pellets of hail pelt the plane, and a rocky cliff face looms right ahead. The pilot isn't dumb or visually impaired is he.

Find yourself, know your worth. It's time to break away.
Steer thy course, find your way,
return to the clear of day.

Determination itself knows no bounds,
but this is as far as dignity would have you go.

So, turn back now, don't lose sight of yourself.

So the world ends

2010-02-28T23:59:00.017+08:00

in 3 weeks? No it doesn’t.

Usually in life, one should learn to let go and move on. Whether I hold on or not, I will need to move on, because the world still spins and I still have a life to account for. Of course letting go would be easier, but I'd really rather not.

Dear Min,

I figured I should have a post dedicated specifically for you, that I may allow you to know how I'm thinking, so that you won't be left guessing. I don't wish for you to come up with wrong conclusions via guessing, and no more subtle messages to guide you whatsoever, because there's a risk of you misinterpreting them, as my friend pointed out. I'm here to take the first step in making things crystal clear for you, I hope it helps. I’ve left comments on my previous posts too, do read.

I thought we were supposed to be dating, to give us a chance to know each other better, but apparently it's getting further and further away from that. Then, we were supposed to be like best friends and hanging out more, but somehow it isn't happening either. Sometimes you feel so cold and distant, that sometimes I wonder if I should ever have written that letter in the first place, cos you were so much warmer and nicer to me before. I don't regret the letter, but how come? Did something happen between Wednesday when we last met, and today? You were so friendly to me then, when I was chatting to you from Melaka, and then when I came back, things changed again. I don't blame you though; I must have thrown your world off balance with that sudden letter, especially when you already have feelings for someone else. I honestly didn't consider that. I can't ascertain how you're feeling, but I guess you must be confused and wondering how in the world I just reappeared like that. Are you intentionally avoiding me? Where is this going now?

This was never what I asked for ): It was supposed to be simple and straight forward, just a second chance, if you'd let me, so that we may be dating again to see if anything could come out of it. I didn't ask for you to be my girlfriend, and I didn't ask for you to arrive at that decision instantaneously either. I merely asked for a chance, and there was no dateline. Now, does it mean that we can't hang out anymore? I can't be nice to you even though I want to, because you'd start avoiding me? I can’t look at you and smile anymore, because you’d break off eye contact immediately? I can't ask you out anymore? Why are we so complicated.

It Feels like we're drowning in uncertainty and misunderstandings instead.

By the time you read this, this post would have collected quite an amount of dust, having been kept under 'drafts' for such a long time. I'd rather say these than write these. Nothing beats face to face and eye to eye conversations in terms of sincerity and geniality.

I would meet you to talk instead, if you would let me. I asked you on msn but you disappeared halfway. I left an offline message which you should have read but you didn’t reply. With the way things are now, meeting up doesn't seem likely, until you initiate something. I can tell that you need space, so, sure, please take your time and have all the time you need. I don't want to end up annoying you or something, and I need my space for now too. So, I'd leave you alone until you give me a sign that it's okay to talk to you again.

So far we've been very straightforward in person haven't we? And don't you always feel so much less burdened after that. I would rather not type messages on my blog, hoping that one day you'd read them, and hopefully catch the intended intents and inherent messages. So from now on I'm directing them to you instead of posting them under the guise of some generic topic, and I’ve simplified my previous posts for you as well, (under comments), if they were meant to be related to you in any way, you could read them. My friends would read them too but it’s okay, only a handful visit and all of them are my best friends, they don't judge.

We should just trash things out; nothing's more exciting than an argument no? And nothing is more comforting and mind easing than knowing just what exactly is going on in each others' minds. Couples emerge stronger after fights. I'm very sure we could really help each other feel better. I'm wondering how I can have you assured enough to open up your thoughts and to me. Are you afraid of hurting me with the truth? If so, I wish I could hold you by the hand and say, "don't be", and it'd be genuine.

I'm still left with a lot of unanswered questions, no doubts about that, but I am doing very fine, so don't worry. I'm telling you because I know that you still care, you're nice this way.
And as lost as I am about what you want or how you feel, I'd answer hypothetical questions; of things that I think you could be thinking and perhaps some of them may ease your doubts.

You told me to stop thinking, so yeah, really, I think I'm quite abiding. As I had told you, I thought things through that day, and after that I gave up, cause no matter how much I guess, I wouldn't know what you're thinking, until you clarify it. So might as well you clarify it right. Communication is so important.

You're probably feeling very bad for hurting me, but don't be, because I do believe you were really really confused, you just need time. But I hope you won't rush to a decision just to end my pain or something like that, because I'd always be fine one day, like how I am now. If you did that, it wouldn't be a well made decision would it? Because it isn't what you really want, but rather what you think is the right thing to do, under all that pressure. And it wouldn't be fair to me. When I wrote the letter, I was aware of and had accepted the fact that I was taking on a major risk. Just that I never anticipated everything to crash all of a sudden, it was unexpected and that left me at a total lost. As much as I like you, I won't allow myself to be hurt forever, so naturally I had to start cleaning up my emotions. Given what you told me, I had to prepare for the worst too, which meant emotional withdrawal. If a graph were to be drawn depicting the relationship between emotional investment and hurt, they would be directly proportional. Less emo, less pain, it's just a matter of time, and fortunately it didn't take me long to recover this time.

Inevitably, I became paranoid when there was such a huge disparity between what I came to expect, and what I was actually experiencing in reality. Happiness was so short lived. You gave me the 2 happiest days of my life, and suddenly you took it away. When you decided to distance yourself from me on Saturday, you didn't tell me why. Thus, I continued to expect the same from you, only to gradually and painfully realize I wasn't to expect the same treatment anymore. It's not that I don't trust you, I do and I would, but you gave me nothing to cling on to. I searched high and low, for that last missing piece of the puzzle: assurance. I started caring about everything, because everything could be a sign, and I was looking for one that would tell me that everything was alright, when obviously they weren't. Everything became a sign; the tone you used, how fast you replied me, how long you type, how many smiley faces you inserted. It’s emotional insecurity that results from the lack of affirmation, and it was bad because it came with confusion and helplessness. It was the terriblest feeling ever, so please never do it again. On hindsight I shouldn't have poured so much emotional commitment into a relationship so early on, when things are still shaky, but oh well, lesson learnt, I will never be this vulnerable again, it's stupid. I felt so much better after Wednesday, cause then I finally knew what was happening. So once again as I've said in the message that day, sorry for being paranoid, I didn't mean to doubt you. I can't blame you either, because as a girl, it's hard for you to tell me such things, and you probably didn't know how to, I understand.

So there you have it, why and how I was affected, why I was sad, and how I regained normality.

I’d like to ask: Have I been nice enough? Have I been too nice? Have I been unreasonable? Am I asking for too much? Have I been pretentious and insincere? I don’t know if I’ve done anything wrong to piss you off, and I really can’t think of any. :/ Have I? If yes, what have I done?

If you’d like to ask: Have I done anything wrong? No, you were confused. Are you okay? Yes I am. Are you hurt? Of course, I’m left wondering how on earth did things end up this way, as I watch our relationship go down the drain. Are you angry with me? No, why should I be? Are we still on good terms? Yes, we’d always be good friends. Are you irritated with me? Starting to be, because you leave things open ended without an answer, I’m left guessing, until I can’t be bothered to anymore. And I don’t like how you’re purposely not being nice towards me without explaining why. Do you think I’m leading you on? No, you’re confused, and either way I’d be going on.

The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.
But reason knows what's best for your heart, and guards it.

I think you already know it, just that you girls always tend to deny what your brain tells you. I will never get, and I know that I can't change it, but I really wish girls could follow more of their heads rather than their hearts. I know that you're prudent, but it just gets me worried, because it's exactly what players operate on to manipulate your emotions - your unguarded heart. I just don’t want you falling for someone who would hurt you.
Feels like I’m subconsciously trying to convince myself that I’m good enough for you, maybe I am. Maybe I’m trying to convince you.

Either way, I have to be very thankful towards you, because this whole episode has already taught me countless life changing lessons.

You said you were fickle minded, and that you didn't want to hurt me. I don't doubt that you're fickle minded, and I don't think I'm much better than you either. But no matter how fickle minded you are, I don't believe you would ever hurt me when you’ve committed. It's not likely to happen, not for people like you, or me, because when we love, mean it. Because you said that when you really love someone, you'd love him real deep, and that's really all that matters isn't it, and that's what convinces me that you're worth it. Would you let someone walk into your life if you think that he/she is might just walk out of it someday?

Out of the both of us, you should be the one that understands love better. I have only just begun to grasp the beauty of it, thanks to you (Read previous post comments for what I’ve learnt). And you should know much better than me, that once you're in love, there is no-one better than the person you love. I've never believed that, until I allowed myself to love you, it was life changing. True story. So how is it possible that you would break my heart by liking another guy? Would I hurt you if I said one of the reasons I moved on last time was because I was worried that I might meet someone else one day and that I might lose interest in you and hurt you? I'm sorry, but it's true, I'm not as nice as you think I am, and I really hated myself for that. I couldn’t trust myself then, because I could only guess. Now I can, because I have experienced it.

Ask any of my friends, and you’d know love isn’t a word that I would use casually. I have had so many crushes, infatuations and eye candies that change so often, but they never do mean anything, because they’re just such surface level interactions. If I say I’m interested in someone, it means that I don’t know her well enough to like them, there’s a feeling, but that’s all there is to it. After I get to know them, and understand how they’re like, and I’m still interested, I’d say I like her. But to say that I love someone, it takes many months of understanding, trust and faith, security and assurance, and of course unexplainable, undeniable chemistry. I can’t say I love you yet, but I’d use the word in this post anyway because this is by far the closest I’ve ever gotten to truly loving someone.

You said that I deserve better, and that there are better girls out there. Maybe I do, and definitely there are better girls out there, but it doesn’t change the fact that I chose you, because you're different from all the rest, because you're unique and there isn't another you in this world. Love can't be earned, therefore it cannot be deserved. When it can't be deserved, it is unconditional. Maybe you think you don't deserve me loving you, but I do anyway. Perhaps you might think that I shouldn't be so nice to you, or that you don't deserved to be treated so nicely by me because of who you are, how you think, and what you've done, but I will be nice to you anyway because I love you.

There are many reasons why guys look for girlfriends. We sincerely believe that we are simple creatures, wayyyy simpler than you girls. There's one saying that goes like this : " There are only 3 categories of interaction a guy can have with a girl, to put it most bluntly, 1) he wants sex 2) he loves her 3) For company ". It's quite vague, but it's actually rather accurate. (1) is all about hormones; it’s all based on lust, and they don’t think about anything, they just want it. (3) is just to ease their loneliness, guys need girls in their lives anyway, keeps them sane. But, they don't think about how far they'd go. It's the combination of the above factors that determines what type of guy he'd be. 1 + 3 = player. When guys are in (2), they always mean it, it’s serious, genuine, and committed. They no longer thing about themselves and their hormones take backstage, life revolves around her world instead, about caring for her, making her happy, and showering her with affection. So, which category do you think I belong to?

I hope you chose 2, because it is the only option that represents everything I’ve believed in for the past 21 years of my life, which is that for every guy in this world, there’d be this one girl who could empower him with strength that he has never known. She would change his life for the better, and he will see the world in a whole new light. Just by the power of her emotional support, he could take on the world, and conquer it, and when that happens, he’d make her queen, and they’d live happily ever after. I know its naive thinking, but it gives me hope.

I read this in an olddd blog a long time ago. This girl was talking about how sad uni life was, cos she can't find any hunks in lectures. She then got quite emo and said to herself, " Face it, min, it’s fate. You will never be with the guy that you like ". One day I could be the one feeling that way instead, and I hope I don’t, even though I know it’s not true. Which makes me realise, is this karma? Was this how lost you felt last time when I said nothing at all? I’m so sorry.

I really missed the times we had when we were both mutual, I really do. I was so happy then, and then I lost my mind. I was confused, maybe just as you are now. If I could have any super power in the world, guess what it’d be, and what I’d do with it. The biggest mistake I’ve made in my life was that I didn’t cherish you when I should, and I’ve really regretted. Now I’ve asked for a second chance, and if you’d let me, I will treasure you with all my heart and I will never let you down again. You told me, it’s all about timing, that’s the first time I’ve heard that, and I don’t know if I should agree or not. I pray that one day you will find back in yourself, the feelings that you once had for me 5 months ago. Only time will tell, and perhaps there’d come a day when our timings would click in place. Months or years from now? During Rag perhaps? I don’t know, but I’d be waiting. Unless you’ve become a totally different person or something, I will accept you, because you’re what I need, and I know you’re good for me.

Why do I like you so much? Or may I say, why do I love you? I’ve asked myself this so many times, but I can’t answer it, really. You asked me the same question, and so I asked you, do I really need a reason? I’m so glad you said no, because as much as I would like to convince you that I do love you, I just can’t answer it. If forced to, there are many reasons I can come up with, but I’m not sure how many of them would actually stay true forever. I may be able to come up with reasons now, but if you ask again next time, I might probably give you different reasons. People change, feelings change. Perhaps what’s most important is that I really appreciate you for how you are, and I know that you’re someone I can trust. You’re just special to me, your personality, your feminine and gentle demeanour, your quirkiness and strong individual identity, your laid back lazy self, your simplicity in life, your special dress sense, your diverse talents, your unique likes and dislikes, your ambitiousness, your morals, your beliefs, your naivety, your resilient, independent and strong willed self, and even your strong-headedness. These would be the reasons I’d give at this point in time. Maybe the reason why we ask this question is because we all wonder, “what is it in me that the other person would see, that makes him/her think that I am worth his time?” We shouldn’t be afraid of letting each other down, because it’s only human to fail, and love is blind. We are bound to screw up some time or another, but it’s love that embraces these screw ups. I thought happiness was good enough a reason, I still think it is, but there would be times of unhappiness too won’t there?

I don’t know where we stand now, but I hope it’s still at the take it slowwww and no rush phase, cause I’m finally there now, even if it took some time. Need be, I could start from square 1 the third time round, but just don’t strike me off yet. It’s only been 2 dates, is it a little too early to tell?

I’d like to ask, is there anything more I can do now? But I already know the answer, “no”. Because, I live in reality which tells me that there’s only so much I can do, when there’s no reciprocation of any sort. So, I will carry on with life as usual. I’ve laid down all the cards that I can play at this moment, and it’s your turn to play yours. One day when your heart is decided and you have chosen someone, I hope it would be me that you’d let into your life, because I want to be there for you, to love you and to care for you. To ensure that you wouldn’t be lonely, and to see to it that you’d never faint again. I’d wait for you when your dance class ends, just to see your face light up, to bring a smile to your face. We’d run out of school in between breaks to play golf or console games, or we could just sit in quiet content in a nearby amphitheatre, watching the sun set as time goes by. Please, take your time to choose, because I won’t run away. If you need help deciding which cards to play, tell me and I’d guide you, whether or not it decides if I win or I lose, or whether or not a third person wins, and I lose. No matter what, please remember that at the end of the day, we’d always be dear friends, and you will always be special to me, because I have once loved you.

For now, this thing called love, I’m letting go of it. But, I’d be waiting, and I know that if it comes back to me, it’d be mine forever. Otherwise, it just isn’t meant to be.

2010-02-23T04:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm. Now I understand

Love's Questions

2010-02-17T23:49:00.005+08:00

RELATIONSHIP 101 For NOOBS

A collection of relevant questions from noob and friends

Q: Just follow your heart, is that good advice?
A: Not. To be used in conjunction with the left brain. Otherwise it'd lead you into retarded situations ie. back into the arms of a jerk. Know what you want out of it, long term, and visualize how much of it is realistically possible. Think about how serious you are into it.

Q: Do I need a reason to like someone?
A: No, just ensure that you have the right intentions. Happiness is good enough a reason.

Q: How do I know she's the right one for me?
A: You won't, until you've committed and tried. Rationalizing and hypothesizing won't get you anywhere.

Q: What if someone better comes along?
A: There will always be someone better coming along. If you can't treasure that uniquely special someone that you've chosen, and would choose the "upgrade" option whenever it's available, then maybe it's better that you stay single.

Q: What if I get together and someone better really comes along?
A: Think about it when it comes. Usually you won't be noticing that someone unless your own relationship is shallow and teetering.

Q: Why do girls like bad boys?
A: No fucking clue!

Q: Is it true that good guys never get the girls?
A: Actually they do, when they turn 40.

Q: I'm waiting for my ideal girl to appear, still waiting.
A: Help yourself to a seat and continue waiting for the rest of your life. Either way, as a man, you don't wait, you search.

Q: What if it doesn't work out? I don't want to commit and end up getting hurt.
A: Discern and choose wisely then. It can only be classified as "didn't work out" after you two have tried working things out, to no avail. If so, at least the pain is allayed by the knowledge that you two have tried your best.

Q: I'm in my first relationship, and I feel paranoid and insecure, is it normal?
A: No, it means communication breakdown. It's your job to provide her assurance, and vice versa.

Q: But I'm like that what... it's either she like it or she don't.
A: There's a balance between acceptance and conformation. It's not wrong to want to change your partner, and it's not wrong that you don't want to change for her either. But realize first that change could be a means of improvement, and she could be nurturing you toward a better self.

Q: I'm afraid I can't commit.
A: Are you a commitmentphobe? Then don't commit. Player? Engage a fellow player.

Q: My prospective partner is afraid to commit.
A: Could be that he has had bad emotional experiences before. If so, make sure you are able to commit before you coax him out and have him believe that you are seriously into it as well. If you can't, don't lead it on, be decisive and end it fast.

Q: It feels like my prospective partner likes me, doesn't want to lose me, but wants to keep her options open in case of better possibilities. She has other suitors too.
A: It isn't nice to retain so many cards while taking your time to decide which to keep, before playing all the rest away. Have her wake up by making her cognizant of the fact that you are not a constant in her fickle-ly variable life, and that there is a very real possibility of her losing you. And hopefully she'd wake up and consider, realizing that you are too good to lose.

Q: My prospective partner makes me feel special, but is somehow unable (unwilling) to commit any time for me, or provide any form of verbal emotional commitment.
A: You are being played, see above. For your best interests, set a definite dateline for her, to be in a committed relationship, or else get out completely. Don't float on in her sea of indecisiveness.

Q: I thought she was a nice girl, how did this happen??
A: Sorry but we all thought so too ): We wish there would exist an absolute way of distinguishing between good girls and 'good girls' but there isn't. They all look the same.

Q: I like this girl and confessed as well. There is a possibility of her liking me, but as for now she likes someone else. Should I continue trying?
A: As things are now, there are four possibilities: 1) they get together and you be heartbroken, 2) it doesn't work out for them and you finally have a chance, but that would mean you were a "back-up option" all the while, can you live with that. 3) nothing at all happens, you could be gd friends 4) She changes her mind and likes you back, undoubtedly the best ending of all, probability of 1/4. Sorry but you'd have to decide for yourself.

Perhaps

2010-02-11T04:33:00.008+08:00

the world might change today (:

私もあなたを愛し

Pebble?

2010-02-07T21:42:00.002+08:00

Not, it's a friggin milestone!

Weixuan is in studio doing work, and will be staying over tonight. Historically ground-breaking event indeed.

Suffocatinggg

2010-02-06T15:24:00.002+08:00

Urghhhh Thursday please come faster past fasterrr!!! I need to get this out of the way, over and done withh.

I feel FAB-ulous

2010-02-03T01:08:00.025+08:00

Welcome back,

and so bash's over! Didn't win the overall Deadliest Sinner (Mr SDE), but I was awarded Mr FAB! I think I did pretty well! (: Stage presence was not bad, and so was the composure. Hehehe the trick is to screw up your image with a spastic "HELLO!! :D" pose right at the start, so that your self consciousness screws up and you won't give two hoots about image after that.

FYI, FAB does not = fabulous. Our ingenious program directors had decided to break away from mundane titles, to create more interesting sounding ones aligned with the secret sins theme. FAB = Fatally Attractive Body! Deadliest Sinner = Mr/Ms SDE. Then there are Deadliest Catwalk, and Angel-Face awards.

Call me FAB, I won't hold it against you.

Hahahahaha.

Ms FAB 2009/2010

I've a feeling that the judges marked me down, cos I never gave them any attention during the bash. hahahah. No glances, not once. Bash tip #1: Establish eye contact with the judges to build rapport and score points. I'm not sure if they liked my epic male supermodel poses, maybe it's too over the top, but heck I really enjoyed doing them anyway hahahah. :D Seriouslyy damnn fun I really lovee doing retarded stuff on stage, and I think I have quite a knack for it. I'm really glad bash gave me this opportunity to let loose. Amanda was the first to point it out to me after Halloween, she said I like "dressing up", which sounded very wrong, it was then more aptly termed as "alter-ego phenomenon".

It's what drives me to turn into the Prefab fairy, the Halloween demon hunter, and now the bash's Derek Zoolander, 3 times supermodel of the world hahahah. And then there was my post-bash pole-dance, and that's well.. the diva persona. Omg I'd probably have to wait till April for me to use my epic expressions again, during my Latin Nationals. I will blow the judges away Ahahahhahaa.

Here are some photos:M1 and F1 - Ms Deadliest Catwalk, my super nice partner Wei En with the never ending legs.

My harem. Nice.

Mr and Ms FAB! Hot damn.

Epic. The future of SDE swimming.

Our talented dance choreographer cum hairstylist! (:

And this is.... Wtf?! It's a friggin BANNER!

by my group of insanely AWESOME BUDDIES Y'ALL! :D

good ole long time buds yn and yingying (:

and my awesomee 05S78 classmatesss! (:

TO ALL YOU DEAR FRIENDS WHO CAME: Thanks sooooooo muchhhh for coming down!!! I did my best to entertain you guys yeahhh all to make your $16 worthit! And I cannot thank you guys enough your presence and support. They really really meant a lot, you guys are awesome friends, everyone of you. Thank you so much.

So what did I take away from bash?

~~Geraldine is hot stuff with mind-blowing hair. Butterfac is frigging small not everyone could see my awesome moves.~~ Great new friends, an unforgettable experience, and the rediscovery of old friends. If there's anything to be learned, it'd be that participating in or winning a pageant doesn't change your life. I was probably secretly hoping it would. The feeling of acceptance and popularity you'd experience on stage is euphoric, dope, but ephemeral. It's like smoking weed, when you're on it, reality becomes a blur, purged of sadness and negativity. Everyone loves you, everyone's your friend, your fans. When the smoke snuffs out, reality sinks back in - a quiet world with innumerable acquaintances and less than numerable friends.

But maybe it ain't that bad, to have fewer, but truly sincere, best friends. And that's you reading this.

Thanks

2010-01-29T04:07:00.003+08:00

What's this emptiness.

So how do you like..

2010-01-24T22:13:00.009+08:00

MY BLOG'S NEW LOOK!!!! :D

- Before you continue, please use IE for full effects! -

Awesome I'm so happy with it. I changed it to celebrate my blog's 4th year! (: Come to think of it, that's a pretty long time! that I've been stuck with that mundane plain jane as my domain. Add another 2 years from my prev blog and this would be my 6th year blogging! Sure doesn't feel like it.

I wanted something refreshing, easy on the eyes, and soothing, that would make me feel happy, so I chose this wallpaper from one of my favorite Japanese movies! Kafu wo machiwabite (waiting for happiness). Truth is, I have not finished the movie as the plane landed, prematurely, tsk. But it made me feel good enough to like it, and I still cannot find the dvd online or anywhere in Singapore, because it's so obscure. Here's the website.

DO YOU HEAR THE WAVES gently lapping onto the sandy seashore! hahahahaha. I'm damn happy with it, I recorded it off the movie's original website. It's beautifully soothing, with the bright cheery wallpaper, and it looks sweeeet as well! Nice. But if the sound of beautifully soothing waves bugs you as much as discretely overpriced carpark gantrys and ERPs do, then you can turn it off. Simply scroll alllllll the way down to the deep bottom of this blog, and once you're there start searching for this tiny stop button that should be somewhere partially hidden within another square. HAHAHA. Sorry for the inconvenience caused. I will probably repeat this for a few posts.

PLEASEEE DROP A COMMENT ABOUT THE NEW LAYOUT WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! I'm soooooo excited about sharing my joy with peoplee but VERY SADLY I CAN'T cos this is an esoteric blog that I do not disclose to the world. So pleaseeeeee!!! Make me happy and entertain me for once! considering how many nice video's I've shared with you right. (:

Anyway, had pagent rehearsals yesterday and today, together with the also tiring latin lessons and archi work that has kept me awake till 3-4am the past 3 (plus tonight 4), I am DAMN FRIGGING SHAGGED. To rejuvenate myself I bought 3 dvds :D Tokyo Tower, Virgin Snow, and Rough Cut. It's pretty obvious what kind movies I like. hahaha. Ah Neh if you're reading this, Rough Cut is the movie we're going to watch together, so that we can both psyche up and take each other down after that. Rooftop sparring and grappling ftw.

Since this post is to celebrate my blog, let me tell you a story about it, in case you haven't realised the concept behind it. Enjoy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The clouds gather, and soon they begin to blot out the harsh radiant silhouette of the world's sun. Only meek rays diffuse through the canopy of fluffs, into the dusty grey atmosphere below where humans reside, absorbed within the realm of their personal worlds. Vapor congregates, and trickles of water droplets materialize in the sky. Soon, the hustle and bustle of the lively urban district is blanketed by the drowsingly soothing chatter of raindrops pelting upon its concrete shields. Life goes on.

And so, 2010 has silently crept over us (ignoring the fireworks and countdowns), as we transit into Lore of Anskarion Volume 4. It is said that since the fall of men, humans were never born to be enjoy absolute liberty, cursed to be subject to bondage through their life. Everything that rises is bound to fall, and from the ashes there lies only the ascending route of amelioration, only to decline again through the course of life's interminable cycles. Venerable directors of the enigmatic Horlywould circle have envisioned 2012 to be the darkest year of human history, echoing the forecasts of doom scripted upon the artifacts of the ancient Mayan civilization. "The Apocalypse is at hand!" They say. That leaves us with 2 years of human history yet to be written, and we ask, would we live to see volume 5?? "Who gives a shit," our hero brushes off the topic, nonchalantly. He has better things to worry about, like tmr's submission, and how he should pose for Thursday's catwalk segment, and pre-empt questions for the Q&A. Such cool and calm, in the face of civil chaos, compounded by anarchy within the order of nature. We respect that. We have shadowed him through his share of rise and fall, documented in volumes 2 and 3, Exoneration, Manumission, and we endeavor to feed you this epic story as long as we're not overwhelmed by homework.

"Submissions", such a dreadful evil, over looms our hero this very day, a dark time indeed. So, assuming we buy into this apocalypse bullshit, the only pertinent question remains: "would we live to see volume 5?" (which if uneventful, is predicted to last 5 years)

According to the fore mentioned theory of life, after a chapter of darkness, there is only light to be found, in love and happiness, or emancipation from the leashes of architorture. So will we?

Possibly.

To be continued..

"VOLUME 4: Submissions"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Baygon kills fast

2010-01-21T22:54:00.012+08:00

HAHAHAHA you just have to see these videos. They're damnn funny! Made me laugh out in front of my computer. Turn up your volume, cos the music and sound effects are amusingly corny. hahaha. I love the first one.

Firstly! If the beautifully soothing sound of waves rolling onto a sandy seashore bugs you, you can turn it off by scrolling allll the way to the bottom of this screen, whcre you can try to find this small stop button that's partially hidden within another square. hahahahahah. Sorry for the inconvenience caused. Anyway! If you leave it on you won't be able to hear the video. OR! click on the video twice to open it in another tab (:

Arghhhh, taking a break from archi work, submission dateline's tmr, and there's still so much to be done. Think this will be my worst project to date, my creative juices are really stagnant for this one :( I've hit a block.

So anyway, I started googling on Baygon and insecticide since I've been using them (rather frequently) recently. Just yesterday a cockroach flew into my head, not literally but yeah. hahaha. Damn gross.

Sorry for the lack of posts as USUAL, I promise to update soon! I've been really busy and I think I have to drop some commitments, sadly, otherwise I'm going burn up very soon.

AND, HAPPY 2010 everyone!!! even though it's 21 days late! (: Every other blogging friend of mine has already laid down his/her new year resolutions, but I'm kinda short on time today to think of meaningful bombastic ones. Here are some short and sweet ones that I've been thinking of, that I've been consciously trying to enforce:

1. Smile more! As mommy always says, brighten someone's day! I have a naturally angry face, which doesn't do me justice because I'm very rarely pissed off. Unless it has to do with M.IN.D.EF and N ASS..

2. Be more sociable, talk to people! For some reason I've been getting shyer as I grow older, and getting quieter and quieter. What the heck, being reclusive isn't going to get me any friends. I think I do know the rationale behind this symptom, and it's because..

3. I'm too image conscious. Yes I'm well aware of this, but its not easy to change. My best friends have been telling me this since the day they became my best friends. For some reason (that i've not figured out yet) I'm becoming so prim and proper that I'm starting to bore myself. So fuckkk it, I need to loosen up to become my real self, the rigidity is stifling.

4. Yeah, emancipate myself from all these social inhibitions and etiquette rubbisshh! (Y)

5. Get a ear stud, and head home to battle against castigation from my family members. Actually visual diplomacy is the way to go, I just have to find one that's nice enough, that doesn't look too punk or too gay, so that they'd go "hmmm, actually its quite nice".

6. Finish my flower garden drawing, it's tooo nice to be left unfinished.

7. Be nicer to all my friends. Sincerity is the #1 core value.

8. Spend more time with my beloved bicycle.

Anyway, I'm part of the SDE bash! Nobody knows what SDE stands for so once and for all it is School of Design and Environment, which encapsulates Architecture, Real Estate, and Project Facilities Management.

You can visit the fb event page here!
or you can head straight to the pageant page here.

There's a theme for the pageant and it's the 7 Deadly Sins: Envy, Gluttony, Sloth, Wrath, Lust, Greed, Pride. Thankfully, I was assigned Wrath. It totally allows me to strike my favorite pose:

RRRRAARGHH

I'm sorry were you expecting any other pose? hahaha. If you weren't, you're a true friend, but if you WERE, I'm proud of you! Trust me to be innovative. Here's a new signature pose to add to my repertoire:

RRRRAARGHH

hahahaha. Unfortunately, the captions have not changed.

It's quite a fun experience, but it does feel quite awkward in some ways, like how you become subject to everyone's scrutiny online. We all love criticizing pageant participants and no shit now I'm on the receiving end. But whatever la hahah its quite fun. I had my first ever photoshoot, FREE. and I love the dance choreography, by my friends yingmin and weiting. (: Well done min!

Okay that's all i really need to get back to work. I'm surprised I went on for so long.

Seeya! and I appreciate your dropping by! (:

Hello!

2009-11-22T22:24:00.004+08:00

Hello friend! Thanks for visiting its nice to see you again.

Sorry for the scarce frequency of updates, Archi has kept me busy with all the submissions, and I've been occupied with dance and sports and still am. Weekends have almost always been saturated with birthday celebs for the INNUMERABLE number of OCT/NOV babies. As of now, I am < 10 hours away from my first paper, and after that I'd be left with my last two papers. My last paper ends next Tuesday! :D

School has been much more enjoyable after submissions have ceased, with exams as the last standing obstacle to total freedomm. ... albeit a shortlived one. It can only last till 11 dec, thanks to friggin reservist for a incontrovertibly INCOMPETENT squadron. So absolutely despise. They need a management overhaul.

Started studying a little lateee. Been playing too much computer games. Next time no more, hahaha. Mugging is actually pretty fun. I really have my wonderful HC friends to thank for nurturing in me this valuable appreciation for the academics. I'm studying PF now which is like basically physics, and surprisingly I'm enjoying it! Only sad thing is that it doesn't necessarily translate to me doing well in it. Urghh, struggling but I'm getting there I think. I have faith in myself.

Speaking of games, SO MANY AWESOME GAMES ARE OUT THIS/NEXT MONTH! Dragon Age, L4D 2, COD modern warfare 2. Walau, exams have to end soon.

I think my sympathetic system has gone a bit cranky. haven't really been feeling much stress for the past.. long time. Not even now when exam's tmr. It had probably stopped working somewhere along the way.

Okay back to structural system analysis. Byeee! If you want to play games let me know!

Lives

2009-10-22T23:04:00.009+08:00

To me, it's about happiness and contentment, warmth and friendship, time and love, and the way they're achieved through an intricate concoction of each one or another. It's a delicate process of balance, between wants and needs, the priorities you believe in, and consequently the choices you effect in your partition of time, in concordance to your valuation of all the former. This balance is oh so hard to grasp! Decisions are so hard to make when the mind is in such stateless flux. I can't even identify a general direction, or understand what it is that I really want, or discern if my wants are what I need and whether they are what's best for me.

Time is love, and time is happiness. Time is solace and time is freedom. Time is whatever you want to apply it to, and there are so many things that I desire. How then, if I have not much time to spare for all these that I want, especially when I'm in the prime of my youth? As much as I'm struggling to squeeze out 'personal' time, I'm trying hard as well to incorporate all these into my 'occupied' time, and its not very easy when I'm so unmotivated in what I'm doing now. So far it's the friends that keep me going. I have 0 drive.

So I'm back at square 1, again. It's practicality vs passion. There's the school that's driven by the former, and there's the one that trusts on the latter to sail them through life. I don't know which one I belong to, and I don't really have an in-between choice. Howwww ahhh

Btw, I'm not emo-ing fyi. I am happy. Just very lost. :D / :S

And.. life is about patience. Good things come to those that persevere. hahahah

To top it all off, in the past month, to date, and in the weeks to come, I have / am /had
1. In NUS jazztitude which I hardly have time for anymore.
2. Been chionging last minute for our team relay which we got 5th when we could have been less lazy and possibly gotten 3rd and RICHH.
3. been practicing for a charity rock concert at smu on Oct
4. Having latin classes
5. and helping out a friend in her school's prom performance in Dec
6. playing dmc4, and now there's grand tourismo for PSP
7. In a DE club which I haven't done anything for.
8. just joined the NUS.SO and went for my first prac on wed.
9. working at the esplanade.
10.going for the SDE halloween!
11. attending all the so many birthdays that happen week after week. Why are so many friends born in oct/nov! it's such a bad time.
12. yet to start on exam preparations

Lets see how I survive. Id have leveled up if I can do all these and still achieve a cap of 3.5 hahaha.

Guess what

2009-10-18T02:46:00.003+08:00

I may be switching course!

1. NTU sports science and management
2. NTU accountancy
3. NTU biomedical sciences and TCM
4. NUS biomedical sciences
6. physio

5. stay archi

6. either 1 of the 1-5, then dentistry
7. either 1 of the 1-5, then medicine

8. either 1 of the above, then Duke-NUS postgrad med / NTU medicine 2012?

9. Aussieland, sports sciences / nutrition / dietitics

So. What's it gonna be? Shoot me someone. Hammer me while I'm still stateless before I do something and possibly regret.

Sigh

2009-10-04T14:53:00.002+08:00

Why.

Why does it always turn out this way?

When will I ever succeed?

Why is easy never easy enough.

Am I just not gay enough.

Why is Ryu gayer.

Are keyboard users doomed to failure,

Is an analogue gamepad the pivotal tool for success?

Why.

Reasons

2009-10-01T01:28:00.003+08:00

What do I want?

What am I looking for

What do I lack

What do i need?

What do I want in life

Why does this void subsist

Why must I find a reason

Why cant I identify that reason?

Am I being realistic?

Are my perceptions grounded in reality?

Do I think too much

Happiness

2009-09-27T16:07:00.003+08:00

Recess week started, and then recess week is over. What the heck. Recess week should be weeks, not week.

I'm supposed to be doing research now, but I ended up doing everything else hahaha. Here are things I found.

http://www.thehappinessshow.com/HappiestCountries.htm

Singapore is 23rd on the list, the first asian country. Sure not? :/ Taiwan is next at 31, and then Japan at 39.
___________________________________________

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=4097264&page=1

Sureee not?
___________________________________________

http://blog.miragestudio7.com/2005/11/architects-lawyers-and-prostitutes/

Whenever you see the word “Client” in something to do with building, you know there just has to be an architect involved because no one else in the building game ever refers to anyone as “clients.” It is such a strange word, isn’t it? In a shop you are a customer, on a train you are a passenger, in a hospital you are a patient, in a class you are a student, in the economy at large you’d be a consumer. But client? The only people who have clients are lawyers, architects and prostitutes, all of whom have to live with the reputation that they are simply out to screw you. Only the prostitute is honest about it.”

___________________________________________

http://www.careerbuilder.co.uk/Article/CB-47-Job-Search-UKs-20-Happiest-Jobs/?ArticleID=47&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=2af32410070e41ef9f683318aa7bdba3-307338201-w2-6&ns_siteid=ns_us_g_happiest_jobs

http://www.virginmedia.com/jobs/features/ukshappiestprofessions.php

Hahahah hairdressers are the happiest people. Switch course already lar.
___________________________________________

http://current.com/1pepm4c

This one claims architects are #4 on the happiest jobs list.

___________________________________________

http://arbitat.com/discussion/017/index.htm

UK Architects Unhappy, US Architects Dying Off
Posted by JoeVare, 15 April 2005

According to City & Guilds (a London based vocational institute), you're (probably) not the only unhappy architect. In their 2004 Happiness Index, Architects were the 29th and least happy profession, behind such professions as butchers, bankers and civil servants. If you're thinking of a career switch, the whole index is:

#01 - Hairdressers - Perentage that are "Very Happy": 40
#02 - Clergy - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 24
#03 - Chefs/cooks - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 23
#04 - Beauticians - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 22
#05 - Plumbers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 20
#06 - Mechanics - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 20
#07 - Builders - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 20
#08 - Electricians - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 18
#09 - Florists - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 18
#10 - Fitness Instructors - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 18
#11 - Care Assistants - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 18
#12 - Health care professionals - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 17
#13 - Media - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 16
#14 - Chartered engineers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 15
#15 - Pharmacists - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 15
#16 - Scientists/R&D - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 15
#17 - Butchers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 14
#18 - DJs - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 13
#19 - Interior designers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 9
#20 - Travel Agents - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 9
#21 - Teachers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 8
#22 - Bankers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 8
#23 - Accountants - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 7
#24 - IT Specialists - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 5
#25 - Lawyers - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 5
#26 - Secretaries - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 5
#27 - Estate Agents - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 4
#28 - Civil Servants - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 3
#29 - Architects - Percentage that are "Very Happy": 2

Hairdresser woooo..

___________________________________________

http://www.time.com/time/2007/america_numbers/job.html

This one provides a very comprehensive ranking list.

Argh I don't know why I'm reading these. I don't survive well in reality.

I'm watching Ouran High sch host club, Big Bang theory, playing 3-4 games, training for cycling, swimming, and dancing, how to find time for studies seriously?

Sneaks!

2009-09-24T01:25:00.003+08:00

WOOOO Recess weekk NAISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (: (: (: (: (:

GO cycling train for quadrathlon cuiiiiiiiiiii NOT NAISEEEEEEEEEEEE :C :C :C :C :C

Homework pile aplenty neverdo procrastinate somuch to do NOT NICEEEEEEEEEEE

EveryDay go out play play see friends catchup many NICEEEEEEEEEE C: C: C:

Jam jam prep up charity gig performance month october nextt Niceeeeeeeeeeeeee

Play much games pc play games psp devilmay cry4prototype plantsvszombies RA3 LINKS2001 L4d Dota Dissidia NiCEEEEEEEEEE.

Catchup more friends and more friends meeting NICEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Somes small sneak peek peek preview below nice, nice? NICEEeeeeeeeeeeee

I'd make it come to life

The empty jar and 2 cups of coffee

2009-08-31T02:21:00.000+08:00

My mom sent me this email, so I thought I'd post it here for my fellow overwhelmed friends. hahaha.

Smileee. don't forsake your happiness, and don't forget your friends (:

---------

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle, When 24 Hours in a day is not enough, Remember the story of the empty jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, If the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar..
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, As the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health,
friends, and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and
car. The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never
have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.'

:D

2009-08-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

Looking for love?

2009-06-14T02:07:00.003+08:00

(Girls only)

Find it now! At the butterfly garden of

MAGPIE FINDS

Your one stop destination solution to bouts of loveless-ness.

Each lovely item is uniquely handcrafted to suit your various fickle tastes and desires.

Commitmentphobic? The exciting diversity of the collections allow for change and polygamy. Be drawn into the intricate arabesque of delicate vines and pastel flowers.

Be amazed at the dedication and love poured into each piece of work. The cheery and friendly crafter assures you that you will get no less attention then each masterpiece does!

Why wait? visit NOW! (:

no need punching bag

2009-04-25T01:25:00.004+08:00

I received a letter today, this is what it read:

"Dear Mr Ang

Congratulations! The University Admissions Selection Committee has approved your application for admission to the Na.nya.ng Tec.h.nological Univ.er.sity (NT.U) to read the following programme in academic year 2009-10, which commences on 11 August 2009:

Spo.rts Scie.nc.e & Man.agement
(First Year)

bla"

I was like..

wooooooo (insert imagination here)

Thank God (:

GIve me a punching bag

2009-04-17T19:57:00.004+08:00

Damnnnn sadddddddddddddddd I screwed up my NTU sport science interview.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

URGHHHH so flustered I can kill

WALAUUUUUUUUUUUU. Why must some bugger call me twice in the interviewwwwwwwwwww. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY didn't I remember to turn off my phone.

I COULD HAVE GIVEN BETTER ANSWERS. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY SO NERVOUS

God bless me.

Dissonance

2009-04-15T21:55:00.006+08:00

Rah the capriciousness of the weather is getting on my nerves. The weather was oh-so-perfect with the sun radiantly shining yesterday.. then it just has to rain this morning after I got so psyched up about going cycling today in the would-be-dried-up trails in bukit timah forest. What a bummer. Should have dragged my friends to some outdoor activity instead of bowling.

Visited a polyclinic today for my cough+phlegm which has persisted for more than a week now. It got better for awhile with medication but yesterday all the soreness and yellowish-green phelgm returned again :/ I probably should follow the doc's advise of "no strenuous activity for now" but I can't imagine a day without sports, haha not when I'm sooooo eager to get back in shape. I sooo badly miss/desire/crave the form I had when I was like 15/16! It's the kind of 'invincible-nothing-can-tire-me-out-feeling' that totally rocks your socks off. Resting just feels like a waste of time I'd run swim cycle badminton all in one day if my body permits hahaha sorry my logic short-circuited somewhere.

Anyway, allow me to start on a gloomy topic. I allowed myself to wander off into (a nowadays super rare) emo-mood after dinner today. I read some blog posts and started doing some retrospection.

At first all I thought was "man my english sucks now, and I barely have any intellect left, I should really start reading", and then the emo streak began. - My thoughts went into pandemonium, my countenance furrowed I felt oppressed my whole world disconcerted and my heart felt bitter as though it was eating itself up from the inside and I so wanted to stab it out. So there you go doesn't sound like a very healthy thing to do, not when I've been healthily cheerful for a long long time now. It left me feeling crappy after that. Since I've been there done that I might as well share about it, and I could use some advice and encouragement. Here were my thoughts:

I've made stupid mistakes which I still feel bitter about, and made decisions which I still regret or feel uncertain about. I'm still bugged by certain major "what-if"s and wonder if life could be happier had I made different choices. Circumstances change which affect the state of my family and financial well-being, which I too feel very bitter about. Why us? Why this? Life could have been so much better, if only...

If only I could accept life as it is, and thank God for what I have today. If only I could trust that God has my life in His hand, and that everything is perfectly planned out for me. I should, and have been trying to. Somehow it isn't that easy. I need more of God in my life, and I need more influence from christian friends around me. I haven't really been in a strong christian environment ever since I left acsi, and I really miss it - the prayer sessions, the blessings, and even the morning devotions and monday Chapel sessions. I should really join a cell group. How?

I made 3 resolutions to my friends after O levels, one of which was "I would always be the same weixuan, the loyal friend you've always known". I think I've managed to stick to it to a certain extent - outwardly. But internally, I haven't, and I don't think it's achievable anymore. I realized that what I had was naivety, which was what made life so simple, carefree. And then I lost it, and everything becomes perplexed, uncertain. Life turns into a calculated and cautious affair. I conclude that "being the same" is an impossible feat. I used to be motivated by the school values "scholar, officer, gentleman", and took great pride in trying to live up to. Now my ideals seem to be blurred and I don't exactly have values which I strive to maintain. I need an identity which i can be proud of.

My character feels like quite a mess, I've tried my best to sort it out but now I think it's kinda beyond me, just as it's futile trying to become someone that I can't become anymore. All these conscious efforts are making me feel as though I'm not exactly the real me anymore, or rather what is the real me now? It's just too artificial. I can only pray that God helps me regain my values and improve my character. speaking of which, I haven't prayed for a long time.

I think I'm too much a product of self-effort. I'm trying too hard to change myself, all the retrospection and metacognition are but means of self-correction. I just realized how out of touch I am with Christ, and I should really find out what I can do about it before I forget about it and 'move on with life'. I really need help. I need to involve God in my life again.

So there.. It sucks to be thinking, I was perfectly happy before I started on this, and I should keep it that way. I will never enter emo-mode again, willingly or unwillingly, as much as I can help it. Doesn't feel like a normal healthy thing to do. It's a weakness, an abnormality. I'd probably delete this post in a few days.
I just prayed, and I actually feel better. nice

Update!

2009-04-04T15:15:00.004+08:00

Well well, I don't really to have much to say. Life is just too structureless and spontaneous for me to describe what I've been doing. hahah. It's perfect! Just the way I like it, except that time could be more well spent had I done some planning. I think I'd start using a calendar soon.

Trying to fill up my life with as many courses as I can. It's the self-investment phase! If you have an idea of what I can do with so much free time, or any part-time job that offers >7 per hour, please let me know! (:

The hair is back! and the fitness too, slowly but surely. hurray.

Recently I've caught myself smiling to myself pretty often too. Not related to retardation, thanks. They're thoughts of bliss. (: Could be attributed to certain someone. Haven't gotten this kinda feeling for the longest time, almost 6 years at least.

Okay time to think of what I should do for the rest of the day.

Take care friend, and thanks for visiting!

Oh btw, Taylor Swift is damnnn prettyy. phwoa! You should check out Love Story.
and it's the only one worth watching actually.

Enjoy (:

So.. how was NS for you?

2009-02-13T01:05:00.004+08:00

It was a TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE, AT LEAST I GOT A FEEL OF WORKING UNDER INCOMPETENT MANAGEMENT.

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ORD LOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

YEAHHHH I'VE GOT MY PINK CARD YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME NOW HAAAHAHAHAHA.

NOO MORE INCOMING CALL PHOBIA!! WOOOOOOOO

Just let us ORD

2009-01-23T00:39:00.003+08:00

This week,

I failed an exam
got confined
got scammed of $250
and activated at 1am the same night
overworked till 5pm the next day
had no sleep
almost charged for disregarding orders
for not staying in during confinement.
signed two more extras
on cny 1st and 2nd day,
which also happens to be
my brothers birthday and
my father's death anniversary.
Will be charged upon next mistake big or small,
with more to come.

Brilliant.

Can't wait for the time to come, where I can happily look back and say:
"terrible experience, at least I got a feel of working under incompetent management"

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T22:30:00.004+08:00

Happy 2009 everyone! (: May it be a brighter and cheerier year for you! May ORD come sooner for those of us still stuck in misery!

This was done in a rush, so never mind the sloppiness. Expect to see more features of these two! I'm coming up with a 3rd, still deciding on what style she should get.

That's it for now, take care! and God bless! (:

Merry Sweet/Sizzling Christmas!

2008-12-25T04:39:00.002+08:00

Here's a very merry Christmas!! From my dear Santarinas! (:

May you soak in the festive joy, and have as much fun as possible before the hols are over!

Thanks once again for dropping by, dear friend!

The pre-Christmas post

2008-12-23T04:42:00.011+08:00

Hello again, nothing much has happened, except for my recent trip to Genting, and the recent 78 hike 2 days ago. Blog posts are so boring without drawings or photos, so I'd upload some photos soon! No drawings still, been feeling more sporty than arty the past few weeks.

Was up at Genting with my family and relatives. We drove up in 3 cars, but I was not allowed to drive because my mom is biased cos I still have a P-plate. Hey man p-plates don't show anything >:( And experience counts for nothing without experimentation. Centuries of safe and slow (boring) driving and keeping to the speed limits won't do good to your driving skills! Anyway there were about 20 of us who went, inclusive of 7 psp owners. 10 of us from the younger gen, so it was fun. I think company is quite crucial a factor for enjoying places like Genting, where the main attraction is like the theme park (we're all underage for the casino).

The foggy road trip

As usual, received tonnes of miss calls from camp, no less than the amount I got the last time I visited Genting in June. A major improvement however, is that I managed to free my mind off work this time round. The last time I was like whoa... holiday still being bugged by calls burdened by thoughts pertaining to work. I guess it's also partly because I am no longer ops officer (: and maybe because I've mastered the art of heck-caring now that Im in the ORD-ing stage.

Bought quite many clothes! There were good offers around, probably cos it's the festive season. I like the brand Soda, which sadly can't be found in Singapore. Quite a few 50% deals (: Have yet to do Christmas shopping in Singapore though, thought I think I'd be too lazy to do anything, and it's already like 23rd. Shopping aside there was the theme park. This time I tried the space shot. It's a ride that goes vertically up like 10 storeys or so, hangs there for 10 secs then drops. hahaha. Woohoo! Totally rocks. I would have gone for more rounds if I hadn't strained my neck again. Tip: don't look down when dropping, I had a hard time fighting to pull my head back up nearing the end of the drop (think opposite of whiplash).

The space shot!
proof of space shot

One thing I noticed about Malaysian (girls) is that I think they're friendlier than Singaporeans. Sorry I tend to notice more about the opposite sex because I am a guy. They also dress better, which is a huge ++ point over Singaporeans. Their dress sense is not as classy though, like more inclined towards the Taiwanese style, but what matters is that at least they bother to dress up. Most of them do up their hair, or spot fashionable styles. I spotted at least 10 with my fav hair style there. I respect them for how they can look pretty without relying on branded clothes and exp stuff. Same respect for office girls in Bangkok, who on the flip side can look refined and urbane with clothes that cost like $15 for 3. I think Singaporeans have a long way to go.

My grandma and most of my relatives frequented the casinos, for the slot machines, the free drinks and the nice porridge. They play them just for fun of course, like the machines only require 5c per game. I did manage to slip in for the thrill, but there wasn't much to experience. Tried the slot machines but they were so boring. But I began to understand how people get hooked on to gambling, and the nasty attraction it possesses. They capitalize on greed, drawing people to pour their money into these meaningless games. It was easy for me to pull out after losing $10, just feeling abit dulan, or stop for the day after raking in $25, but I think its alot more screwed up if you play them without a "just for fun" mentality. The probability of winning is just so low, it takes quite little IQ to not realize that. Not surprising that the people in there playing mostly look kinda dazed and stoned, not the regular bright chaps you see along shenton way.

It's just Genting, but I greatly enjoyed the trip. I have wonderful relatives, and I'm glad that we're all closely knit. I treasure times like these, cos one day all of us kids will grow up, and be engulfed by our personal lives. I hope that when that happens, we'd still be young at heart enough to enjoy such activities as much as we do now.

The recent 78 hike was fun! I thought it was a good initiative courtesy of Andy. It was something different, and a leisurely stroll through a nature park was rather refreshing. Chuan yuan even printed out the maps and had a planned route! Good job! I wouldn't mind more of these. The original route was from Macritchie to Bukit Timah Hill, but somewhere along the way we horlan-ed and ended up on boring Rifle Range Road that lead down to KAP, which was not bad actually! Considering how some of us were rather shagged, and that dusk was nearing. Along the road, we passed by 2 female cyclists on road bikes. Didn't look like recre cyclists, one was on a Specialized and the other on a Scott, and they had some form. One of them was pretty cute. hahah. That's rare.

Photo courtesy of Chuan Yuan

It was great meeting up with the class peeps. I'm glad our class is still quite bonded after 2 years. Feels like forever since I've been out of school.

This is too wordy a post. The end.

How's life?

2008-12-01T03:54:00.004+08:00

It's 3.55am now, and I'm so saddeningly stuck in a military outpost somewhere near NTU, and forced to stay awake for manning at such odd hours.. :( :(

As of last week, I have been officially posted out of my dreadful desk-bound job! Yes I am no longer the ops officer. Call me TCO. and don't haunt me with all that audit crap anymore. I now get to take joy rides in vehicles, enjoy sunlight, not stay cramped up in a windowless room for the whole day, and get to sleep all day! (:

2 months and 11 days left to ORD, I soooo can't wait. Because I don't like the army, I will move on to other topics.

My scanner is refusing to work anymore, even though it can still print. Very cranky. So now I can't upload anymore drawings. What's worse is that my ownage freeware drawing programe has expired! Yeah it's only a trial version... I have to pay about $85 for an official license to use the software.. :( :( sadd.. I made quite good use of it I guess, haha, with the previous 3 paintings. All personal bests! Happy to be improving (: I was rushing to do some final touchups and editing on the last day of the trial, and now I can say, I'm quite happy with the painting! Nothing much that I can impr0ve on anymore.. except perhaps the trees.... but that is beyond my ability at this point in time.

So, well. No more drawing until I find another freebie software I guess.. Or until I decide to pay.

Been trying to cycle more recently, but somehow finding it difficult to find my motivation. Have got a race coming up next year Feb, am trying to train up for it. It's quite a large scale race, involving multiple road closures for the race. It'd be Singapore's first road race! I really want to get into National team, but it's soooooo far away! Hope that I can prove myself someday.

Yesterday 78 just had a class-gathering :) Nice to see everyone again. Think of it we have quite a close-knit class, that's something we shouldn't take forgranted. So many of them going overseas to study!

Talking about overseas, I so wish to go overseas for studies too! But I'm so lazy to do my research and find out what's good and what's not. Actually I can't even decide on my course, let alone decide where to study. Not really very keen on architecture.. not after hearing all the negativity about the job. There is not one person I've asked who tells me that there are at least some perks in being an architect, only my mom, who thinks architects have the kind of "cool", after all the lead characters of a few famous Korean dramas were all architects.

Im having an idea of studying photography, then learning make up and hair-styling from my mom, and then studying fashion design. This way I can provide the clothes, the make up, and the photoshoots, all in one! and earn all the money for myself. hahah. Owns all the bridal studios that outsource parts and bits of their sets. It could even be better as I can decide on a theme, and have everything exactly aligned to the kind of effect I'm out to achieve. Sounds good to a perfectionist! Only thing is that this path is damn metro, kinda gay.

I'm thinking of migrating after I graduate too, Singapore is really getting a little stale. The market here is also kinda small, and way too competitive for me. I wish to have a more laid-back lifestyle, and enjoy life more a little. Life's too short be spend it all pre-occupied with work and steeped in stress and worries. It'd be nice if the global climate change could bring about seasonal changes in Singapore.. riight.

Actually, it'd be nice if i were attached. Okay nevermind, I should just stop watching so many love-story-related movies and TV dramas. Speaking of which, I've just bought many more! They were on offer, $20 for 4, regardless of movies or full length drama serials. So cheap, how to not buy??

Ok I don't really have much else to talk about. Army robs us of our happening lives. But I wonder if it'd really get more happening after ORD. Looking at our ORD-ed friends.. I'm having some doubts.

Once again thanks so much for dropping by here. and thanks paul for being the new-frequent-visitor-and-poster! hahah. Everyone please try to tag whenever you visit! Makes me feel that indeed I do have many friends. haha.

Bye!

Winter's Sonata

2008-11-29T13:03:00.004+08:00

Could not help feeling that there were still problems with the picture, so I relented and the perfectionist in me took over again. haha

Whitened her hairband, and changed a bit of the jawline, then added a more radiant pinkish glow to her cheeks.

Lastly, I framed it and added some words, to make it more presentable. Now it's worthy of being a wallpaper! (:

Autumn Memories

2008-11-28T00:08:00.005+08:00

And it's finally completed! :) Not exactly but I've given up working on it.

This one is now crowned officially as "Most Time Consuming Piece"! Surpassing the lighthouse girl.

I finally figured out the main problems!
1. The trees and the trunks had no depth. - added some shading to the trunks. The leaves.... just some shading, too hard!
2. The treetops are all lumped together. - I tried to separate and distinguish the trees.. to some avail...
3. The ground looks funny. - because it had no shadows! Added in some sun-rays and tree-shadows. Very good! :)
4. The distant background is dusty and lonely. - Now there's the sea beyond the trees!
5. Her face.... - It was her mouth, her eyes, and her eyebrows... I finally figured after trying to change many things. I think the new one is not bad :)

Sigh.. Next!

Korean video

2008-11-22T02:34:00.004+08:00

Check out this video! Stumbled upon it on youtube. Sweet but sad, great stuff!
Typical Korean kinda storyline, with an unexpected twist in the ending.

And.. she's quite pretty!

Autumn

2008-11-20T10:44:00.007+08:00

Work in progress! Please comment!

[21 Nov]

Damn it.. the background is so not working out.. still trying..

[ 22 Nov ]

Now I've got 2 versions.. For the first one managed to solved part of the background by adding more trees.

Second one... is just a failure. ): Sandy barren ground with pine trees... and giant green feathers sticking out of the ground eh Andy? hahaha. FAIL...

Background always not working.. HOW??

Save The Earth

2008-11-19T22:18:00.004+08:00

Welcome to the lighthouse once again! End World Era, the armageddon generation.

Click picture to enlarge.

It is the year 2047, the world is masked by a pollution so bad that Humans have placed themselves on the list of (critically) endangered species. Currently populating the list are about 9 other species of animals aside from humans, and includes hardy insects such as cockroaches and their likes.

Add 146,000 to this list of endangered animals, and you get 156,000, a figure which (roughly) represents the total number of different lifeforms inhabiting the earth in 2047. An accurate figure is not available as the number continually increases at an exponential rate. Out of the 156,000, only 10 of them are organisms that existed before 2010. Others came about from the environmental changes.

There is also much to be relieved about. PSI has stabilised at an average of 1210 over the past 3 months. Water toxicity levels stand at 84.5%. Buildings are still experiencing meltdowns from the intense air pollution.

Survivors still surviving are turning to technological aids for survival. Popular choices include gas masks and mock-4 suits. However there are also the few who choose to trust in traditional mediums and ornaments, such as feng sui and ying yang.

Let us now examine our feature girl in this month's Save The Earth! As always, this may or may not be our last publication, nobody knows. Her choice of accessories include the ever popular Twig of Hope. This twig with luscious leaves symbolizes hope, that one day greenery will proliferate and fill the earth once again. The twig with leaves also purifies the surrounding air, and negates an area of impure air around the wearer. On her feet are Ying Yang slippers, which ward off bad air and nasty water, protecting the lower half of her body. Her choice of her slipper design reflects her optimism towards her environment and the impending doom of the earth. That is precisely the attitude that all of us members of "Save The Earth" should exhibit, and that is what makes her our cover girl for this issue! Visible on her arm is the BCG mark, which comes from mandatory injections sanctioned and issued by the government. The BCG provides effective immunity against the harsh conditions that we live in now.

We've come to the end of this report, and now we'd leave you with the quote of the month:

" Are you sure that is a shark you see? "

Thanks to Adriel Fun for your contribution of ideas! (:

Sneak preview

2008-11-15T01:49:00.003+08:00

Sneak preview sketches! Of a game that i loved in primary school. Forgot where i used to play it, but ever since then I had not been able to find it, even though i remembered it.. I remembered the game, but not its title.

Somehow randomly within the past week, I thought about it again! but this time a few keywords came back to me! So I googled dragoon, and i found it. Panzer Dragoon Zwei!

Here's a sketch of Lagi the panzer dragoon, when it was little, and its hunter who kept him so that he would not be killed. The village puts down mutant Coolias, and Lagi was a mutant who had grown wings.

and some background video from the game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUDBNBv-tRg

灯台女の子

2008-11-10T21:10:00.009+08:00

After close to about a week of intense eye punishment every night, I'm proud to announce that a new drawing is born!

Toudai no otome, girl of the lighthouse. Sugoi na!

Somehow it doesn't look as nice as the previous drawing, even though i it's 10x harder and required more than twice the effort put in to the angel. She only took about 3 nights. This lighthouse girl took about 8 nights, partly due to the fact that the original draft was created using Corel Paint Essentials 3, which is really too pro and inflexible and im really bad at it.

So halfway through i finalized and exported the lousy corel picture, and carried on adding on to it using the total ownage freeware i downloaded. Alot of time was then spent deciding on all the colour coordination problems, much of which were spent trying out all the possible combinations, as well as asking around for opinions. Wa my color coordi is really quite crappy, need lots more practice. Halfway through i realized that alot of the dresses don't match, because of her white hair, so i experimented with black and brown hair, but i couldn't achieve my desired shade of brown using the mixer so i stuck with black.

The sky was a first time success! So was the colour of the sea! I was damn happy. The two colours were spot on, creating a soft and rustic ambience. The spread of clouds mask the sky, toning down the piercing rays of the mid day sun, creating a cool mellow lighting.

The rocks were also damn hard to draw, looked very sketchy and hand drawn. Tried re-drawing them alot of times, now its better but I think they could still be improved but I'm too tired to experiment anymore.

The last thing i drew was the flower, which by then i was so eye-tired and exhausted that i spent only half a minute on it.

So, here's the progressive sequence once again! Hope you can appreciate it as much as i do!

A draft was done using Corel. Very hard to draw due to sensitivity issues.
The foundations were laid; blueprints for the lighthouse.
The girl was half materialized, after having its head scaled down and re-drawn countless of times.
The rocks were detailed and some shading was attempted
Project was compiled, exported, and uploaded on blogger ( see prev prev post).
Restarted project after completing the angel. Plastic surgery done using Corel.
Finally gave up on corel. Used freeware and started colouring, and gave her lush and well moisturised hair.
The dress dilemna begins.

The hair factor was made variable.

Magenta the way to go!
Solidify all the buildings and re-rocked.

Toudai Otome!

Note that I can't read the title of this post, appreciate if you can romanise it.

Thanks for visiting! (:

Tenshi-san

2008-11-05T21:56:00.007+08:00

Phwoaa I so love this!

Its a new personal best man! and it comes with colors!! that's a first!!
I am very very pleased with her voluminous hair, and i love her hairband and the feathers!

Sure beats hours and hours of paint mixing and inhaling.

Needless for words, enjoy!

[ Edit 8/11/08 ]

Now with smoother facial complexion and colored contacts! But still without legs

Update as requested

2008-10-28T23:06:00.006+08:00

You want update you get update!

Awxion.blogspot, reliable and informative, the epitome of efficacy. Requests are always entertained and duly fulfilled.

I spent the whole of my night today drawing on a new program (quite old already actually [ but unopened] ) which i just installed yesterday. It's called Corel Paint Essentials 3. Exciting stuff.

So after finishing the first few seconds of the tutorial movies i started drawing on it. Here's the first and only product! Fresh from production 1 hour before upload:It's not complete but more or less there. Drawing using a computer is so strenuous on the eyes, my wearied eyes are kinda straining just to read what im typing now. Pen and paper is so much better.

Anyway, here she is! A sprightly girl perched on the edge of a wall by the rocky shoreline. She has a flower fetish and is attracted to lighthouses. She also has a face which gets uglier and more disproportionate every time i try to improve it, and a head which is still a little big even though i have scaled it down 4 times. Her hair is thin and delicate, flowing fluidly as it rides on the gentle sea breeze, and which is probably a little sparse. I had enough problems creating her flowy hair. will tackle the problem of voluminous hair another day.

This is where she lives, her hometown; a tranquil little town placed on the edge of a random part of Japan, built around a lighthouse. This modest town thrives on the profits earned by catching and selling fish attracted to the light at night. On the wall she sits and stares out at the space beyond, pondering, contemplating, wondering what lies outside this picturesque picture. She has not left the wall, not even once, ever since the day she was drawn.

The sea is calm and placid; motionless in fact, until the day the artist figures how to draw water and waves.

Walau, proportion, angles and perspective are such a chore to figure out. I had to spend two nights of staring at the comp to create this.. Need more practice man. Probably need a few more nights to finish it. I'm not colouring it cos i still can't colour. Wonder if im cut out for architecture..

My brother says i should tie up her hair, like Aerith's one, still thinking about it. But i think this hairstyle suits the flower more. What do you think?

Here is the last thing i drew using a computer before the above girl was produced, done sometime last month i think. But this was done with MS paint.
It's supposed to have some spooky elements to it but apparently they have all failed and no one can even sense anything fishy about it. So.. nevermind. Tell me if you can spot anything potentially scary.

About 3.5 more months to ORD.. SO LONG! I can't wait, just wasting my life away here. Everyday follow through motion and get things done, can't find any motivation to work, even if i try finding. Life is still happy out of camp.

And I finally finished watching my carefully rationed 12 episodes of my favourite anime Rozen Maiden after about a year. All of them died, but thankfully some got revived, which means, sequel!

Stardust

2008-07-27T10:26:00.003+08:00

Just came back from saturday duty in camp this morning.

Whoa ive had 3 damn nice movies/stories the past 3 days!

On thursday yongneng lent me a dvd with dvds, and we watched "Penelope". Nice show! Kind of a very light hearted kind of show which leaves you feeling happy.

Then on friday i was bored so i watched Stardust. Whooa damn nice man! totally love it. It's a fantasy fairytale kind of love story. Quite funny also. Very good man, you should watch it if you haven't. And the theme song is now my current fav, Rule the World by Take That. Check it out!

On friday my camp-mate Navin lent me a book to read during my duty. Mind you i havent read in 1935059 days, and ive only completed 35% of the books that i ever started on. Guess what i finished the book in less than half a day! haha. It was "A walk to Remember", quite a short book but niiiccee.. I know its damn popular. I'm slow lar. haha but im proud of myself for completing it. But i dont understand, so did she die or not? Sounded like she didn't.

So that's it, 3 love stories in a row. Whoa overdose man. Feel like falling in love now man hahah but thanks i'd probably have to wait for 1 more year before i get to meet anyone.

Going sentosa later! Class gathering, time to absorb some sun. Thanks for visiting!

Law Dinner guest performance

2008-06-25T21:05:00.003+08:00

YOO!

Haha. super long no post! Thanks for still visiting man! appreciated! (:

It's been a long time but nothing much (non-camp related activities) has happened to nothing much to update also.

Guest played in mingtse's band for Law Camp Formal Dinner! Was quite a special night man, im non-law but could still feel it. Can't wait to ord and go uni man, looks damn fun! Really enjoyed playing for them. Anywayy law has many hot girls man! hahah. Dress sense almost all good! cept for 1 or 2. Very easily pulled off the kind of high class atas look. haha. Got class.

We played Lovefool by the cardigans, mindtrick by jamie cullum, and a medley of Collide, I'm yours, and Superman (check out How 6 Songs Collide by Norwegian Recycling). Our playing was too rushed, and everyone screwed up here and there but all in all i think we were like damn good already. We only practiced for like 2 nights before the actual performance lar. hahah. 1st song was the most wasted total rush the singer couldn't keep up. Was a very dynamic band, and got like full range of instruments 1 drum 1 bass 1 guit 1 keyboard 1 violin 2 singers. 7 piece band wa aweseome! the intrumentalists were power esp the keyboard and violins. The singers were also GOOD! Amatuer but with potential. The guy's voice was nice and mellow, and the girl's voice is super sweeet! love it man. The violin was just filling in with her own melody, nice. The keyboardist also can do freestyle wicked. I was v pleased with my own playing that night as well was a new personal best!

The best part was probably that i got to make a lot of new friends, precisely what i need to break the monotony of army life. Made good friends man, like the guy singer, similiar interests badminton and cycling. Keyboardist turned out to be my brother's ex classmate. Was great that I got to play one of my fav songs too Lovefool.

Totally enjoyed the night, but just like the Genting holiday i went with my family/relatives just 2 weeks ago, it totally sucks to be thrown back into army right after that. Cruel reality man, the feeling is just crap, damn depressing. Serious withdrawal symptoms and low morale. haha.

Here's the band photo, minus the guitarist and keyboardist.

Once again thanks for visiting! (:

Restore

2008-02-03T21:50:00.000+08:00

still hoping to clear up my mess of a life.
but the sheer enormity of it.. not helping.
Just have to start slow i guess,
picking out the loose ends, unwinding and undoing
until i achieve something resembling what i was.
Still trying to free this oppressed mind
but God's here to help

im fine and doing well, just a little lost.
So don't worry about me, and thanks guys, i really appreciate you all. (:

Santarina!

2007-12-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO! i just installed the graphics tablet that i got for christmas, and it works SUPER well.

The tablet is like whoa sleek black, and the pen is like whoaa super touch sensitive! its just like drawing on paper! just that need to get used to looking at the screen while drawing. I was just using a small fuss-free program I downloaded off the internet, was lazy to install the software they included.

Oh man she's damn pretty!

So once again, here's Merry Christmas from my sweet Santarina!

Merry Christmas everyone!

2007-12-25T16:49:00.001+08:00

Sorry but i'd like to repeat the title:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! =DD

Sorry for stagnating for so long, once again i dont remember what i've been doing, but i know that I've been occupied with other things.

Before i forget, congratulations to those who have just attained officerhood! Gd job and i hope life will be better now that you're our of the pathetic "trainee" class. To those who are still in, shit man we still have quite alot to go through. For me it's just about 3 months left, but thanks all the tough stuff are all saved up for last.

And Happy birthday to David! haha

and Happy birthday Jasmine!

I know it's belated and repeated, but well the words are now immoratalized in this blog. haha

Army life is getting quite shiong now, and it's worse for me because ive been the cadet platoon commander for the past two weeks, lots of stuff to do. As if it weren't bad enough ive been appointed Ex fire unit commander for the deployment practices we've been starting to do. As the pioneer FU commander for deployment exercises, my job is just to thread where no one has thread, and to accumulate as much mistakes/errors and lectures that i can get so that future appointments holders can learn from my experience. Thanks. and Thanks for putting the toughest parts across the festive season. and Thanks that i have to book in on christmas night.

Im SO happy that it's a the festive season again! Tonnes of holidays! As this is the first year that i actually have a salary, i bought presents for lots of my relatives! I got stuff for all the kids only though, right up to the mature kids that are around my age, basically all within my generation. Also bought a very nice purple watch for my mom. MAN! It's damn fun to buy presents! The best part comes when you see them all happy and liking your presents, the sense of fulfilment is like wa ecstatic. I know you're probably like wth but k lar it's my first time. Bought mostly soft toys for the really young ones, and some cute and childish looking coin pouches for the old ones that are going uni next year just to make fun of them. haha. For another 6 i just got a Command and Conquer Saga pack for them to share, and the perk is that i can borrow to play too. haha. My younger cousin was like carrying the polar bear arnd all the time after that, shiok. But the bear was really damn cute, i even got one for myself.

As for myself, i got some nice casual clothes and stuff, one sketch book, and a pocky toy thing from japan, haha quite interesting. I bought myself a graphics tablet too, which means i can now start drawing stuff on the computer, and get them coloured just like the pros! nice.

gotta book in now. bye!

2007-10-20T21:55:00.001+08:00

Firstly, to Sam Tham and Andy Lim, thanks for your email/message respectively =) Sorry i didnt reply either one though, but they were read and taken note of.

Life in camp is getting better, beginning to settle into camp already. Acclimatizing.. more or less. Training still damn sian, but okay lar getting used to it. Managed to find stuff that i can occupy myself with, as well as things i can look forward to. They're trivial stuff, but good enough, haha.

I ordered an artbook, which should arrive sometime next week =) . Ive been farming on psp for khezu armor, and im gonna get it soon heh, nice =) . I brought my psp to camp, not allowed but what the heck =) I put in anime on my psp to watch. One episode a day keeps low morale away =) Been playing some piano, auntie ask me to try for grade 8 next year. doubt id make it but at least i touch the piano. Found Claire De Lune score! Dont know where it came from =) Draw more pretty things! Gonna get an account on deviantart.com. soon id have a place to put up all my drawings =) Still trying to get my band started. members changed again, but now this guitarist is inclined towards jap rock, and so am I. haha =) Plan to meet up with tingfu to play monster hunter. =)

Quite alot of people left within the past week. My brother left for australia for EX wall.aby, so no company during weekends. Zhenghan left for taiwan. Yongneng and abel leaving on monday for re-bmt. Have fun mates! Andy came back from taiwan. Welcome, haha.

Anyway havent produced much drawings lately. Been doing more of hands on practicals and stuff, hence i seldom get to have my pencil and notebook with me. Now that Im bringing my psp in, i think there'd be even less doodling already. but id still try to draw once in a while.

The top one is duh, bleach. I was just trying to see if i could draw ichigo, and wa! he turned out quite cool, so i went on to draw rukia, who looked quite good too. Den i tried Chado who amazingly looked like chado with the curly hair. Followed by Quincy last, who's the worst cos i dont see him often.
The girl on the top was referenced from a pic i got from internet, no big deal. The bottom one is cute! =) She's the cutest school girl ive drawn in my whole life. Next time id upload the ones i drew years ago and you'd see the difference.

Abarai Renji! I love this one it's damn cool. Pen drawings are always defined and look very much nicer. Only setback is cannot erase but thankfully no major screwup.

Shinku =) mesmerizing eyes. I was trying a new close up angle. Quite happy with it =)

=D This is my all time favourite. They're like so awfully sweeeeeeeeeeeet aren't they?? Like awwww man im so totally in love with the maiden on the right. Sweet, innocent, demure, simple and lovely. Huiwen said this is not my typical style, that my typical style is like violent stuff, hahah. It's quite true, but it's only cos last time the girls i drew are always disgusting so i dislike drawing them, not that i dont want to. Now that i can, i love them! I just really regret that i drew them on like lined paper. Whenever i do, it's just because im testing to see if i can draw them or not, but somehow or rather they all turn out nice, like the above 5. Wasted.

Actually, the two above are both girls. But if you feel more comfortable looking them as a sweet normal couple then go ahead. haha. They are actually twin sisters, just that one dressed up not so femininely. That's also why their names are similar, souseiseki and suiseiseki-chan. They're just my impression of two characters from an anime. They are not lesbians. But anyhow, they're just sweet.

They look so complete. Just looking at them makes me happy =)

Anyway id like to thank my bunk mate Ian Chan for getting me a bleach comic book for me to learn how to draw them. Thanks! =D

Good night!

Hollow

2007-09-30T16:16:00.000+08:00

Hi all, sorry for the long disappearance, not that there have been much to blog about anyway. Life is just damn empty and i don't even know what i'm doing 90% of the time. Bleh. It's just aimless and devoid of purpose, carrying myself on lectures by lectures, period by period, day by day, weeks by weeks. Time passes by fairly quickly, and i don't feel like i've even accomplished much at all. But okay, at least there's some comfort in knowing that if this goes on for the rest of my weapons phase, my commissioning parade will come quite quickly.

It's almost the same old routine everyday in my dull coloured camp, with nothing much to look forward to, except maybe like friday which is book out day. Book out already i don't know what to do either, cos i'm like cut off from the world, outdated and apathetic with regards to news and politics, and i don't know what happened to my social circle either. I think it'd really help if i forced myself to start linking up with friends and all, but i feel so dead i just stone everyday. Not that my army mates are boring, but all the discipline and peer-appraisal stuff just cause me to be stuck up somewhere, and the whole atmosphere is so rigid and stifling that i just can't let my hair down. My sense of self-discipline is just like turned on 24/7 and i can't switch it off. Another thing is that the guys here are so cliquey, and ive got difficulty dissolving or penetrating them.

On a brighter note, I'm not out of course yet, haha. Our basic phase ends next week, and we just got our weapons posting next week. I think i'm blessed that i was posted to my weapon of choice, the I-hawk, which is the least physically demanding of the 3 weapons that we can be posted to, which means my chances of staying on course are further increased. =) It's a divine decision more than mere chance.

Anyway i got so bored and all in lectures that i've been daydreaming alot. Subsequently, i started doodling, and to my amazement my drawing skills somehow improved by like damn alot. It's a huge difference as compared to what i used to draw before, and like wa i got really excited. It like jump started my interest in drawing again. I think it's due to influence from all the anime i've been watching every weekend when i book out, cos i'm quite a visual learner after all. Other then drawing ive just been playing basslines to random songs on my buddy's guitar, had some significant improvements too. So.. like yar okay lar there has been some in-camp-productivity.

Here are the main things that i have learnt from my recent 5 weeks of training in basic phase, in order of date produced:

random doodle
random, i like the flower
pretty!
Suiseiseki
Shinku - Rozen Maiden. I kept having problems drawing nose and mouth so im leaving it out first.
Suiseiseki!
Rukia-san! she has some neck problem
Random. A girl carrying flowers and violin case
The guy was a failure, but i absolutely love the girl =) Incomplete though
Random violinist. got trouble with proportion

I had too much time in hand, so i mass spammed armour. Super pumped up. haha. A pity the pic can't get any bigger, i really did intricate detailing. Re-drew some parts of it many times, but it's still problematic so i gave up.
My friend louis asked me to draw him a pic of a guy on in trench coat sitting by the beach with rocks on a low wall with a sandwich by his side. As it progressed i drew him putting his foot on the wall, he didnt like it cos too beng, but i thought it looked great so i decided to abandon his original order and draw my own stuff. Changed the low wall to a bench, and added in a gun. It ended up like this, and i like it =). Now he's a hitman instead of some loner.I redrew another one for him. Here's the loner, the sea and the rocks, but the sandwich hasn't arrived yet. Incomplete

Desu~ =) Incomplete

K gotta pack for camp soon, that's all until i draw more.

Bleh life is a mess. Reality is bad, and you won't understand it.
I wish for a normal family and a more normal life.
I daydream to enter utopia,
I doodle to visualize it,
I watch anime to be absorbed into their fantasy worlds.
Everything seems to be centered around escapism.

Need to find a direction in life

The Hectic Airwing Paradox

2007-07-22T14:02:00.000+08:00

Friends always tell me to move on,

and like how there are many fishes in the sea.

but problem is hc was like land,

and airforce is like sky.

how to find a partner to go social night?

Anyway i can start thinking about social night because now i can stay in course long enough to see it happen and be part of it as well. I've been cleared for IPPT! haha

Can consider myself blessed, cos my NUH physio appt was like 1 day before the appt i was supposed to have with the SAFTI doc, who was the one deciding if i can do my ippt or not. Went for physio session, asked the guy if he could write a letter to allow me to do. He did some assessments, and was still reluctant to let me do. But when i told him that i used to be doing like xx number of pullups he decided to let me try!

So for the first time since the injury i broke out of my status and tried doing pullups, undergrip method lar. i did 3, but had to be super controlled and slow. He asked if there was any pain, there wasn't. and so.. yay clearance! And the physiotherapist himself was an officer from ADA himself, the exact same vocation i'd be going to! He operates the RBS system. How conincidental can it get.

Anyway for now i disallowed from playing racquet sports, bowl, break, swim, getting tekan, doing pullups, SOC, or riding offroad. Pretty sad. And the stubborn backache doesnt want to go away. But at least i'm left with computer and console games. haha. Just bought FEAR First Encounter Assault Recon. pretty freaky but it's fun the game physics are awesome and AI smarter den some real life players. Gonna get xbox 360 too! Just waiting for the Elite to be launched.

Anyway someone just gave us a bike. like whoa a beauty with like Campagnolo Centaur conponents. The person who invented the li.quid armor. But for certain reasons we feel that we have to return it back. All the anticipation and euphoria and plans for nothing. haha. Anti climax. Quite good in a way too though, i wont have to make the choice between switching over to the new frame or sticking with my nice old one.

Beautiful, just that the handlebar grip tape colour is aweful looking.

Airwing life getting quite hectic ( in airforce standards ). Unbelievable but yeah.. haha. It's like exams period, had one last friday and having one next monday. with damn alot of chapters to study. It's like i haven't watched the 9pm drama serial for the pass week already! hahaha. Got quite some time before the test but thing is that we aren't allowed to bring our precis home to study, so effectively we cant study nuts. And the tests are like not easy lar wa lau. Quite hard. I'm surprised army men can come up with challenging questions. hahah. Anyway i dont know how i fared. All i know is that i passed ( >50 ) and that means no confinement and that's all that we all care about hahah.

We have no soc, but we have seoc, which started not long ago. I'd never get a chance to try it, cos i've still got like 40 something days of status left. haha. Had navigation exercise today, my group not the best but still quite effective. We only horlan for awhile but got back on track. Bashing our way through the vines and spikey scrubs were fun, as well as crossing little streams without sinking into the sand or getting our boots stuck in the wet mud. Our boots just disappears all the way in. It's worse for those carrying the signal sets, they sink more. Bumped into Jasmine after i completed navex, haha how coincidental. Was really nice seeing her, it's been some time. A pity we weren't wearing our cool blue no.3s, haha. People such as her family actually go there to hike, while we are like stuck inside there trying as hard as we can to find checkpoints and go home. Navexes are really quite fun.

Time flies really fast in ocs. It's been about 9 week already, a period longer than that spent in bmt, and yet it feels 10X shorter. bmt life just sucks big time haha. I'm really having fun here.

That's it for now as you can see i'm doing fine here. Thanks for those who have shown concern and all ie Samuel Tham, matheus. All appreciated man.

Anyway, kinda miss the times building random chair towers in class, or the fight sessions in between.

It's getting really hard to find people who can do this kinda shit with you.

We are the rare people. haha. :)

Marcus Burghardt vs Dog. Stage-9

2007-07-21T12:50:00.001+08:00

Ouwww poor bike! hahah

Medical checkup

2007-07-17T12:28:00.000+08:00

Just came back from NUH. Booked out today for appointment, had much excess time, so i went back to hc to collect my yearbook before appt, and now im home to relax before booking back in soon.

Nice to see the juniors back in school =). Met Mrs Ang and Ms Soh, couldn't find the rest. Should visit another day.

As for the med checkup, i was awarded 2 months of light duty. If you don't know what light duty for two months means, it can be simply translated to 3 words - Out Of Course/ Out Of Training. Like fuck.

Seems like my fight to stay on course has only just began. Even so, it already seems impossible. Efforts futile. Officership unattainable. Only thing I can do now is to grind my brains and come out with feasible ideas and things to say that can help me negotiate myself back into course. I'm in Airwing anyway, and could probably survive through 2 months, since there aren't any tough physical training till like 10 weeks away? There aren't even any SOCs for me to deal with, so logically I shouldn't face any difficulty at all. I'm excused all upper limbs, hence Im hoping to get a deal whereby I can be exempted from everything except running, all the way until my IPPT which is on the 6th week. If i can still get a gold or silver w/o any dislocations along the way, then i should really be allowed to stay. But if i cant, or sustain any further dislocations in my whole service term, den i would be more willing to leave.

Argh help, this isn't gonna be easy. I can't do this by myself.

Help me to smile in the face of adversity, that i may understand the fact that you already know my future, and that you have said that it is good. Help me to understand that nomatter what your favour always shines upon me, and I will be victorious no matter what at the end of the day. It's all by your word, and I believe you. Not by my faith but by yours Jesus.

You have always lived up to your word. Time and time again i've screwed up but nomatter what you've always brought me hope and given me the best. The context has changed but ultimately it's the same old situation again. You brought me into OCS, and now that i'm injured, won't you pull me through again?

Even if i dont stay i know that you have it all planned out for me, but it's not something that I wil contemplate about at this moment. You said that you would give me the desires of my heart, and now that desire is to be commissioned. And i claim your word for that.

Guide me as I speak, that i may be able to say and do the right things at the right times. Help me to negotiate. Help me to let go, and free my mind of worries. The battle is yours, not mine.

You do not have shoulder or back injuries, and as you are so am I in this world.

I don't think i will hide the report, id probably bring it right up to the medical review board, and trust that His favor will see me through.

"My honor and life both sprang from one, take my honor and my life is done" - W. Shakespear

protect my pride, it is something you gave me.

Argh damn stressed. Let me smile.

In Jesus' name, Amen

Quick refresh

2007-07-02T12:11:00.000+08:00

I'm home! after 6 days in OCS. haha. it's supposed to be a 3 week confinement, but i got to book out yesterday because i was sent to hospital for a dislocated shoulder.

In the morning there was a 5k run, and i was chionging with my plt friend kiap yong who also from hcjc. There was a left turn that was narrow and in the forest, and naturally we tended to keep close to curve. BUt, the curve was like subtly sloping to the left, which made it really to balance, and kiapyong lost balance and jumped off down to the bushes on the left. I was wondering how he could fall off when i started to lose balance myself. I tripped on the path and fell forwards, and used both my arms to breakfall. My right shoulder was already weak and so the huge impact threw it out of place. Ouch. This is the first time my shoulder came off completely, it totally sucks.

Kiap yong brought an instructor to me, who lead me to walk the remaining path all the way back to wingline, where the safety rover was supposed to be but was not because another wing coped our rover. Rover finally came and drove me to SAFTI med center, but it was not open and after some deliberation they finally decided mine was quite bad and sent me to Pasir Lebar camp med center in an ambulance. All the bumps and humps all around the camps really killed my arm. At PLC med center, the waiting continued... thanks to all the procedures and processing that they had to do. After a long wait the doc was ready and asked me in. I was a quarter dead so he injected some pain killers and Trieed to put back my arm, pulling and all. That took away another half of my life. The pain you wont understand, haha, as a guy i was screaming and crying like mad. And so, they sent a 3/4 dead me in ambulance to NUH, and of course through all the road humps again.

After my arm had been hanging on my muscles and ligaments for about 2 hours, we finally alighted at NUH. Was wheeled into emergency, where did some procedures and waiting. There was a form that required me to rate how much pain i was upon 10, i rated 9.3. Finally put on bed, and the doc, seeing that i was 1/5 life left, put me to sleep. That was about 1030, 2hours plus past the fall haha. They put oxygen tubes in my nose, a plug on my arm and some funky plugs around my body. I woke up around 230 and walaa all was fine my arm was put on a sling and my shoulder was back in place. A happy ending =)

Terribly painful but it was quite an experience, haha. and i went home with the funky round plug things on my body as souvenirs.

Arm still hurts now got to go back someday for checkup. Hope things turn out fine, Jesus watches over me anyway :)

OCS feels really different from bmt. For one at least we have some pride with us, and that provides us with some motivation. The campus is really nice too! nice bunks, and i like the shower place. Cosy place, makes you not feel like getting off the bed every morning. Maybe that's a form of mental torture hahaha, kidding. Training is fine so far, but we do running everyday, sometimes twice a day. I love running, and it feels like i just joined a cross country team or something. Oh circuit trainings rock too haha. Another good thing is that we do our exercises on concrete ground or tracks, unlike bmt where we do on barren fields which turn to mud everytime we perspire. Oh yeah the food is good, and the weather is much better than tekong, which is so much hotter than mainland .Got many ppl i know too! Kevin Seah and Kenneth foo from acsi =). and there are quite alot of tchs people, weilun hongkai kiapyong. PS hongkai thinks pamela is very cute.

Ahh. civilian life, i really miss it. Somehow in camp i seem to be missing every single thing, NS makes me treasure everything outside of it even more. I miss my art buddies, the fun times staying up in school till midnight finishing up our art projects, us doing retarded stuff and childish games in school. our 8250s. Insulting each other's artwork.

Miss my classmates, our sec 3 trip to chiang mai, our 2005 class chalet, our rubberband/cardboard wars in class, pushing each other off the amphi ledge. haha. Oh yeah our fun water spurting lab sessions, and we sure had fun poisoning yijun's distilled water thing hahaha. Still remember throwing paper aeroplanes out of the window to the cca block too. Sec school was probably the most carefree and enjoyable time of my life.

The prefects, our patrols, all our tekan camps, the cheering sessions, our crap, our dances, our rehearsals at fish's house, lessons at Les's place. our dumb gay videos at suntec. The nice boardroom, the cockroaches, the big long cuddly snake, the classroom raids. Great times.

My hc friends, my great study mates, the warm yet foreign kinda atmosphere. The studying together, the bio notes, the plant repro notes. The double bass, the ensemble, playing in VCH, the band, the yumin thing haha. The great random hi-bye friends. Caring and concerned schoolmates, the classmates who have so supported me through the 2 years. All the eye candies who brightened up my days. Project work, our outstanding HI154, Our kickass video. The class band, the chinese songs. No Man's Land band and our band auditions. The abel darren john wx band during the pre-enlistee days.

The sailors, my seniors, my brother, our post-training warcraft sessions, our beach soccer at the old europa sea sports club. Pulling boats, the storms, the team, Timothy lim, uncle tony. The jasmine thing was kinda exciting too. haha. Hmm, the skipping stones..

But i wont be a sad boy anymore, departures are just frequent passings in life. So that's it. im gonna laze around till i book in at night.

To you and all: Thanks for visiting, nothing goes unappreciated. Takecare and have a nice day everyday! :)

The non-comprehensive guide to ho chi minh

2007-06-21T14:58:00.002+08:00

As of 1330hrs today my plane touched down on Singapore Chan-gee Airport (the vietnamese stewardess pronounced it this way. haha cute ) and i am back on this island with 3.5 more days of blissful freedom. Let me share with you my wonderful experience in the land of Vietnam, Ho-Chi Minh city.

My father had been transferred over to work in ho chi minh, and so if i ever go overseas again it'd most likely be back to vietnam again. No more shopping sprees to bangkok anymore, but that's quite a good thing too. Im starting to find it quite a boring place. Most shops generally sell the same stuff, and besides shopping, there really isn't much to do. Can't possibly revisit the same shops everyday. Air is bad and traffic is a catastrophe. It's really a different feeling altogether - going there on a short holiday/ a long term business stay or frequent trips to visit people. The former is better, keeps things fresh.

This is my first visit to vietnam, and i honestly didnt know nuts abt what vietnam is like, except through the eyes of camera-men in all those conflicts-in-vietnam movies, and they're always shot in the forests. I always had an impression that it is a really third world country, laid back and all, but it isn't that bad. They have shelter, decent buildings, and organisation. The streets are also surprisingly much cleaner then those in bangkok. Life is rather flow paced, as compared to bangkok or singapore, gives you quite a relaxing atmosphere.

Traffic is much better than bangkok, but the first thing that strikes you is that there are motorbikes flood the streets haha. And i got to see for myself how versatile bikes are, they can like fit 4-5 people on a bike, or stack up tonnes of baskets/crates/goods/chickens/ whatever they got on a bike and still ride it. There was like a doorframe too. Their driving is.. not as reckless as in bangkok, but still quite disorganized. They like to horn everywhere anywhere, and the people who get horned don't even give two hoots about it. Even if they dont annoy each other its quite irritating to us Singaporeaans. To them it's not really like a form of alert, it's more like notification, it can mean like anything: " coming through/ hey i'm beside you/car behind you/car beside you/ you're in front of my car/ i am going to overtake you/ you are in the center of the road/ how are you? / you're too close to me/ i'm making a turn/ offf the roaadd/ just let me cut through/ i horned first so i presume right of way ". Most of the time, the people who are horned at don't respond at all. It's the person who horned who has to get around the one who is like hogging the lane, so it's like "horn horn, ok i notified you but it's alright you carry on i'd get around you".

Like bangkok, trucks and big vehicles arent allowed to use the roads in the day, so traffic is very smooth. Oh one cool thing is that sometimes the road splits into motorbikes/cars lanes, cos there are just too many bikes around. FYI vietnam roads are left-handed. If you want to drive in vietnam i still suggest you take the AWXRC conversion.

Ho-Chi Minh is divided into subcities called districts, according to how developed they are. District 1 would be their premere district, very upclass, shopping centeres, cafeterias, big brands. It is also the commercial district, and our service apt was also located here. I feel the most secure in district 1, but not in like 7 or more. Tourists are already quite scarce arnd ho chi minh, and they are mostly concentrated in districts 1 or 2 or arnd the musuems and stuff, so in the other districts, it's hard to find foreigners arnd. It's also hard to blend in with the locals, cos the clothes we wear are just too different, so it's just be the few of you walking arnd, with your obviously more expensive clothes, big SLR arnd your neck, sticking out like sore thumbs. Just doesnt feel good, little kids start crowding arnd us begging for money, and people stare at you for being different. It doesnt help knowing that it is a strongly communist country too, ruled by quite an arbitrary government. Scarrryyy.

Hahaha turned off yet? Don't be. That' just the initial feeling i got, it really isn't that bad. The locals aren't as friendly as the thais, they don't seem very approachable, and don't smile as much. but i think that's just how they are. Maybe it's also cos there aren't many foreigners arnd, hence they're not so tourist-orientated. The women are also not as gentle as they look, so don't be surprised to see one yanking two stuck supermarket trolleys apart. The middle/older generation are fond of squatting by the road the way guys do. Haha. It's just the culture, after all, their traditional dress consists of long sleeves and long pants, not skirts.. and 30% of the VC soldiers were females..

Oh yeah anyway, their female national costume is veryyyy nice. It's like elegant, oriental, vv feminine, superr beautiful. Their national costume is like their college uniform. Saw a student wearing it, like wa. A dark blue long sleeved dress, with the skirt all the way down to the heels, and two slits up both sides to the hips, mandarin collars, and long white pants. The material is also those kinda very soft cotton kind. nice. Beats jap uniforms hands down, this one has class and culture.

It isn't a good place to shop, cos there's really nothing to see or buy. But i still feel it's a great place to visit, for the food and the experience. Traditional Vietnamese food is really fantastic, but you'd need a local to guide you arnd cos they're hard to find. Most popular is their beef noodles. They call it pho (pronounced fur). Nicee. It's a very unique experience too, they've got communist red-star/ workers' party banners up everywhere, along the streets, on top of buildings or sticking out from the their sides. Hahah bernard you'd like it. First time i walk down a street with communist stuff everywhere. Old buildings, communist banners.. Next thing I would expect would be tanks rolling down the boulevard, or rooftop speakers blasting communist propaganda.. It takes awhile to realize that it's too far fetched. hahaha.

Got some nice french architecture around, left behind from the french occupation. There's a post-office, townhall, opera hall, and a church called notre-dame. There is also a road in front of the townhall which resembles the champs elysees. A longgg straight boulevard. Nicee. Eh.. oh yeah and culture wise there isn't much, long time ago under chinese imperialism, den french occupation, den jap occupation, den american attack. So there really isn't much to see, unless you go to their war museums, and yeahh their famous tunnels, really cool stuff.

It's a must to visit the Cu Chi tunnels, the tunnels that the Viet Congs in this place called CuChi built to fight the french and americans. You really must try, even if you are claustrophobic. They enlarged the tunnels already, and some lamps along the way, so not that dark. There are 3 levels, and the 3rd is about 8-12 meters beneath the ground, and thats the level that gives most kick. They wont bring you there unless you pester them too haha, cos some portions are not enlarged and they aren't lit. One Cuchi guide saw that i was damn gungho and offered to bring me through the 3rd level one haha. 120meters for that one, when most people only go 15/30 or the most 50 meters. Haha totally awesome.

When you're there must try the live range too. Bullets are expensive, so i only tried AK-47. They have heavy machine guns like the M60 and some AK dunno what, m1 carbine, m16, ak47, some shotgun, m1 garand and i forgot the rest. Only sad thing is that they clamped the muzzle down on a wall, so you cant take it out and aim by yourself.

The war museum also shows you much about the vietnamese soldiers, respect. Now i can seriously watch US-made films on vietnam war with different perspectives.

Left this morning for home, back to the hectic singaporean lifestyle. Felt very sian, back to NS life next monday, it's just something we can't run away from. But anyhow, once i stepped out of the gate, there was this SIA girl showing us the way to the arrival hall. I looked at her, she smiled and me and said, " welcome home!" in such a sweeeeeettttt voice. and she was sooooo cute! she looks like vivian h.su!! and her smile was sooo sweet! Ahhhhh that just totally made my day =)

But how did i respond? i juuuust had to give juusst a small smile and walk away, it was almost like a momentary glance. Like.. Waddahell, thats all??? Mann, damn hopeless, i'm good at losing out on such chances, and thats like.. sad. That was like.. friggin golden opportunity! BLeeeeeh. SAD. ARghhhhhh. I could have just like said "hey thanks for that greeting. It totally made my day". And i had one extra frame in my camera, i could have like "hey ive got one unfinished shot, can i take a photo with you?" Could have just acknowledged her greeting by saying "thanks", let her smile one more timee. ahhhhhhh. hahahahaha. nvm.

Singapore isnt that bad.

just some fragments

2007-05-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

Was just scrolling through some photos. Man seems like my days with hair happened in another life or something. Life is so different now i can't really remember what it feels like to be in these photos at that particular point of time. So distant. I do miss those times (:

Food time!

I really should catchup with both my alma mater mates someday!

welcome to mainland

2007-04-28T19:41:00.000+08:00

back from tekong! whoo! I have never missed home this much before.

2 weeks in tekong, and im glad to say im onLY 7 weeks away from PoP! it doesnt feel that close away.

I got posted to G company. It stands for Gryphon, not Gay. Platoon 2, section 1, bed 3.

My two weeks in tekong weren't that bad. It's not that bad a place, really. Nice island, i really love the coastal route. Just that we never have the time and luxury to stroll along and enjoy it. The weather is nice and warm, an average of 1 degree hotter than Singapore, which isn't hot enough. Erratic weather changes from bright hot and sunny to dark gloomy and happy really make our day, and we start chanting " Cat 1 Cat 1 Cat 1.. ". Rain and thunderstorms usually ensue, and a monotonous computer generated voice echoes our chant, "Cat 1.. Cat 1.. Cat 1..". And then all outdoor activities are cancelled and we happily make our way back to our bunks.

The food is really not bad, and for now im not really sick of it yet. Fruits are provided every meal, and there are always syrup drinks, or special milo-like drinks like vico-coco. Ice cream is a luxury treat which we get once every week, rocks! The only sad thing is that, even if the food is nice, it has to be in the stomach by 10-15 minutes, which means we never get to savour what we eat. Oh we get stuff like greenbean/redbean/barley soup too.

Training is... quite alright. Not very shiong, not very slack either. Only dumb thing is that they throw us physically demanding activities one after another, day after day. Our bodies dont even get a chance to recover, how to improve like that? Once the fatigue builds up our morale goes down and we cant really give our best effort anymore. They say progressive training, which is quite bullshit. In our first PT, we couldnt even complete 50% of what we were asked to do. The intensity of the physical sessions we have are the same, even if we have two back to back, as if we would be as fresh as we were before we started the first session. They expect everyone to be conditioned just because we are the enhanced leadership batch, which is quite rubbish.

And the worst part of training is that we have no courtyard outside our company, only a semi-barren field. That means that all our physical activities are conducted on it. Lying down on the ground really sucks, our sweaty clothes get dirty everytime when all the mud and leaves get stuck to it, and becomes we have to wash clothes quite often. One day i left my clothes soaked in soap water for a day, and the next day they all stank like mad. So yeah never soak your clothes in washing powder water.

Oh yes we had Cover and Concealment lessons, which meant going outfield to gather twigs and leaves to stuff on yourself so you look like a tree as much as possible. That was quite fun, except that where i lay had two ant trails. Luckily they didnt bite. One of my platoon mates got red ants. hahaha. Thankfully not the big one though.

Our uniform really camouflages quite well. At least good enough to trick the birds. One day when we were in our files, two Sun birds came and flew in between us, damn cute haha. Den our sergeant was like "it thinks you are trees! haha" That malay sergeant is very funny btw. When we were doing our crunches lying on the field, he comes to each of us and, standing over us against the backdrop of the blue tekong sky, he asks, "do i look like an angel?" hahah.

Discipline is not that strict yet, because it is only our adjustment period, my commanders are quite friendly. As of now.. We are allowed to use the softdrink vending machine outside our bunks! Rocks

My platoon/section mates are all nice people. For those that i already know, there's samuel lim from hc/ac, Julian Tay ac, colin hc, reuben lim ac. At company level there's Melvin from nj.

I was happy when i went in, but subsequently after the first few days i started getting damn sian already. I went in all garang and pysched up, ready to chiong and get tekan, but i was disappointed when there was really nothing much to do, and the commanders were so laxed. Nothing to chiong. My phone died on the second day, and i was cut off from friends. My radio never worked at all, and i was totally deprived of music. I got back injury on the third day, and got excused from all activities for the next three days. Back pain never recovered, and together with muscle fatigue from the activities i was no longer anywhere near fighting fit, I really couldn't chiong sua anymore. When i couldn't chiong, it's like there's really no motivation for anything anymore, and morale all disappear. So now im quite sian, i hope the back pain goes away, gonna see doc on monday. So sad =( And i dislocated my arm during the monkey bar thing of the soc.

On a brighter note i was bored during my status period, and came out with a sketch for company T-shirt. My Platoon commander liked it and now i need to come out with a proper design for it. =D. I wasn't shortlisted for medicine, but i got shortlisted for architecture! Aptitude test is tomorrow, and i hope i do well.

So that's it for now, i have much of civilian life to enjoy. In camp i dreamt of food everyday. Last night after i booked out i had Ben and Jerrys, and then my bro and cousin brought me to cafe cartel where i had waffle ice cream and a berrie smoothie. Whoaa heavenly :)

Okay i have to answer my Call of Duty 3 now. Field camp next week. till the week after.. bye!

BMT!!!

2007-04-12T21:01:00.000+08:00

ARMY ARMY! Wooooooooo!

Hair gone, phone downgraded, psyched up and ready to go! =D

I'm so excited, arent youu?

Chiong sua!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

hmm

2007-04-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

3 more days before being deported to tekong. Trying to 'pack up my feelings' (chinese) and prep up for army.

Been playing war games, and watching war films. Everything is working fine, really getting psyched up for army now. I'm really getting excited about it. Not really looking forward to it, but I dont mind army. I figured it'd be fun. The brotherhood, the outdoors, guns.. everything macho. Yeahp no girls, but that's quite a good thing, back to good old all-guy-fun and jokes. Provided the company I have are nice. I hope i dont start thinking about girls, don't think i will either, being so tied up with all the army stuff.

Fitness is down, tried to revive it, but to not much results. Ive just been too lazy to do much exercise.

I'd type more when I'm in the mood to. In quite a shock

So, you got attached.

Ouch, that hurts some.

But Im fine, id be happy and occupied in tekong.
Hope i'd have nice people in my band of brothers

Driving Eutopia

2007-04-02T01:47:00.000+08:00

Almost crashed into some bugger during driving a few days ago, and i swear it had nothing to do with me. He was on the lefter lane turning right, and he turned so close to me he was almost gonna cut into my lane as though i wasnt there.

Somebody ought to rethink Singapore's driving system, there are enough irresponsible/blur/hopeless drivers out there, just waiting for accidents to happen. Ive been to bangkok enough times to know that e drivers there have much quicker reflexes, and definitely 2000X more patience than Singapore drives. Only problem is that they like to get drunk more than we do.

Driving centers should teach us more practical skills, rather than just how to pass our practical tests. In reality, really got ppl use engine brake all the time, really got ppl turn the head over so exaggeratedly to check blind sport, really got keep to miserable speed limit. Okay statistics show that accident rates have dropped and have been quite constantly low these few years, but i have a plan that might just bring it even lower. heheh

May i present to you..

THE AWX EUTOPIAN DRIVING SYSTEM

The idea of this programme is to train up drivers in a more realistic environment, one that is akin to that of the real world. Drivees would be subjected to conditions and circumstances in the circuit that are prevalent in singapore - reckless driving, chiong redlight, jaywalk, suddenly stop car, swerve anyhow - and are expected to react immediately and appropriately. Drivees are thus expected to improve their reflexes and judgemental skills, and execute counter-accident maneuvers with precision.

To acquire a driving certificate, drivees are required to complete the 1km AWX Reflex Course (AWXRC) safely and alife, in 1:45min, ie an average speed of 85kmh. By placing candidates under conditions of real danger, they are taught that driving is not a game, and that the dangers of reckless driving are real and could cost them their lives.

Concurrently, inadept drivers would be removed before they become potential disasters waiting to happen.

Below are the main concepts of AWXRC

1. Random boards depicting various creatures would spring out of the ground at any random time during the drivee's exam. Candidates are expected to swerve away to avoid the boards, and not knock any down. Fines would be imposed on the candidate if he/she fails to avoid them, ranging from $500-$5,000, depending on the severity of the crash, and the status of the board - human/dog/monster. Boards are not intended to kill.

2. Solid machinery placed before red lights are able to pop out of the ground anytime, to simulate cars that are fond of sudden brakings. Crashes may result in death.

3. Boulders in the shape of parked cars may reverse/drive out, and drivers are expected to stay clear of them.
4. A Car shaped boulder would be propelled across the traffic junction anytime during the exam, simulating cars that beat redlight. Drivees are expected to look left and right even when the traffic light has turned green.

5. Sirens blare out ambient noises, and the intermittent ultra-loud blares of car horns, which are intended to scare or shock the candidates. They are expected to get use to the often random horning of impatient Singaporeans, but at the meantime be able to discern whether it is a real horn or not. Horns may sound right before 3,4 or 6 are activated.

6. In a tropical region, lightning strikes are common, and falling trees help to train up reflexes as well.

7. Posters or banners depicting sexualcontent/sale/discount would be displayed on the side of the course. Drivees are expected not to be distracted by them, and place full concentration on the road ahead, for the sake of their lives.

At any one time, no 2 or more obstacles would be activated such that the candidate has no sure way of passing through. AWXRC is also not the sole criteria for a driving license. Parking would be tested separately.

greenhouse and greenday

2007-02-16T23:28:00.000+08:00

"The effects of global warming are starting to creep ever so not discretely into our daily lives, affecting our lifestyles and interrupting our habitual routines. This is evident from the huge increase in cockroach frag and mosbite counts through the months. Awx pest control statistics show that monthly cockroach kills have risen from an average of 0.083 last year to a whooping high of 2.0 just last month. Awx's sole staff and president Ang Weixuan also complains of incurring greater amounts of damage in his battle against the mosquito species, which have thrived and proliferated in the recent weather conditions. Right now as he speaks he is suffering from 7 sustained 7dmg/s type-p stab wounds, dealt by cunning mosquitoes which struck only in the dead of the night. They seem to have evolved to a high level species as well. Do simple maths, and you'd realise he is receiving 7 x 7 = 77dmg/s. However, no matter how high the damage, it doesnt seem to bother him at all. "My hp is infinite, haha", he quips. He's such a funny guy.

Global warming has also claimed its own victims. The screwed up scorch/rain/scorch/rain climate patterns have brought relative humidity levels up to as high as 93-97%. Precious bikes are beginning to rust at rates such that they reach painful levels even before their owners can awake from their procrastination spells. Bass strings also feel the effects of increased humidity, and rust as well. Rusting is mostly prevalent in the G-strings, though no effects are observed on its cloth variant. What to use to clean rusted strings? What strings are good to buy? Answers will be provided when fellow Bass veteran David Lee answers to either this tagboard or msn. Yes please do. haha.

Animals and humans alike have also adapted to the changing climates. Humans, under the sun, are able to produce brown pigments called melanin to shield them from the evil UV rays. It is a process known as reversible evolution, the process that has turned this author to the Dark side. Hence, do not be alarmed by his darkness when you meet him in person. Household pets have also exhibited changes in behaviour in response to screwed up weathers. Tortoises are starting to make more rounds into the living room at much higher frequencies than before, perhaps to escape the sweltering heat. In the past few days, it has also extended its daytime rendezvous into the kitchen as well, to smell food and perhaps peak at its owners dining. This global-warmed tortoise has also picked up a new trick as well; sit down in the living room and it would climb up your leg and bask on it. How adorable!

Jumping to some music news, a new band has been formed, and they just had their debut jamming session last week. The new nameless and singerless band is formed wholely of retired acsians, comprising seasoned guitarist darren chan, veteran bassist weixuan, breaking drummer abel and temporary singer john kan. I was privileged enough to be able to be there in person to hear their studio shaking live jam session. Man, it was a blast. woohoo. Chemistry was everywhere and they effortlessly pulled off songs from bands such as U2, Franz ferdinand and Red Hot Chilis. This is definitely the new band on the block to watch out for. If you're wondering what greenday in the title has to do with anything, here is where it has its relevance. Sorta.

Down to Entertainment and Gossip, interesting things have been happening. Ang Weixuan, main character and figure in the popular ilovewx and awxion series, has yet again been making headlines in his very own blogs. In an recent exclusive interview with Mr Ang, he tells us that he has been steeped up in many activities, with much more undone. "I have great plans before i enlist, and i will strive to do everything before i am banished. Only time stands in my way.. " Well yes he certainly is a man of great aspirations.. "

The above exerpt from awx daily just ended like that. The author became tired of writing that way.

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year to U! May this new lunar year be the best year of your life, but still the best year yet, cos the best is yet to be! Thanks for bothering to keep in touch with my life =)

Cny's been fun so far. Eat, take money, eat. gamble, lose money. That's pretty much it haha. Ive got the most new clothings this new year! rock my socks

Life is fantastic =). Life at its best, no school no work no bills, how much better can it get? haha. It's true that you can appreciate life to its fullest when u've learnt to leave things behind. I'm glad ive learnt that.

This is the only period of time where i can do everything i love doing, but there're just too many that im finding it hard to find time and energy for everything. Enjoying every bit of life now, but of course i still have my complains. Don't feel like spoiling the mood of this post.

Just returned from an outing with fellow employees. Watched Norbit, haha like wth show. Funny though =). I've finally expanded my social circle, i love my friends! got a new girl in mind too haha. Nothing much, and not planning much either. Not close enough, and dont know her well yet. I've only spent 3days and 2nights with her hahaha. So, just attracted thats all, nice girl. Enlisting soon anyway, anything that starts now is bound to collapse. Spare both the possible heartaches eh.

No zongyi, 2-day sms conversation ended long ago. haha. I didnt even have any intention at all, it was all you who hyped the whole story up for tingfu lol. I was just trying to get my kayak certificate, and decided to talk for fun.

Oh my arm came off again, and now my neck gets stuck when i tilt left. It's like gear shifting, crick crick. What the heck

I hereby award samt and david with the most loyal site supporter award. But seriously thx for the past 6 years dudes =)

Employed and free

2007-02-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

Weixuan is finally employed! haha. I'm glad i didnt just get any random job, or get contracted into borinng long term admin jobs, like many have (and are regretting). To the few of you i know that are going to start admin jobs, who are still blinded by the prospects of high pay and nothing else - have fun! loll..

Went for an interview at an adventure center which i always cycle pass at bt timah hill, and I'm now a camp instructor! Lead a group of kids around in camps, play games with them, do rockwall, obstacle courses, kayaking and dragonboating, sure's fun, if not for problem kids.

I wanted a job for experential rather than utility reasons; more for fun then money, so this job very suitable. It pays 160 per camp, which usually lasts for 3 days 2 nights. translate it into pay per hour and it's only a miserly $2.50/hr. But it's alright, fun and satisfaction are all that count for me. More then NS pay already anyway. Pretty pointless to get jobs just for the pay eh? a short 3-4 months, how much can you earn? This is the only period of total freedom I'd ever have, wasting it all away with boring long hour jobs sound bad to me. With no bills to worry about, 160 is much money already, a lan session costs.. $8? booking of courts cost.. $4? If im mad enough, i can take 3 camps in a week back to back, 7 days 6 nights, and rake in $480! hahah. I enjoy the social aspect of it as well, people handling and much interaction, wonderful =). Comes with complimentary forestry, nature and sunlight.

Still looking for job attachments and internships, but probably do more of these in march, need time to settle all my trivial matters and feel organized. My life feels like a mess, i seriously need a timetable to plan my activities. Did i mention? I'm employed but still as free as before haha, the power of freelancing. But yeah not all that good either, i still wake up everyday to the same quandary - "what i do today?". Answer it well and id have a productively fun day, leave it blank and more posts may spring up on my blogs.

I did do an attachment at ttsh under the physiotherapy department, for about a week, until i got kicked out after they found out i only wanted a 2-3 week attachment, haha. Some misunderstanding, they were more interested in 4-month volunteers. I said noo you must be mad, i dont even have 3 months of holiday till i enlist, and it's a no pay attachment too. Im not gonna lug myself halfway across the island for 4 months for no pay nor allowance. There are other attachments that i want to do as well, and of course i want to work and have fun too. Still in the process of applying for other internships.

But anyway it was enjoyable too, and rather insightful. I made new friends too! A phyllis and a joyce, from scgs-cj and chij-vj. there were guys too but nah i dint really bother. hahaha, i mean, just kidding.. the guys were far from our age. We were also instructed not to exchange phone numbers with the patients haha, especially since there are hot athletes who come in for physio sessions lol, quite amusing. They said it happened before too. For the camp thing we were also told not to exchange numbers with the participants, and lots of weird stories about pubertizing teens going crazy over instructors, and then threatening to commit suicide. Lol.. but of course they dont do it, they say ppl these age can't think straight so we shouldn't give them chances to think otherwise.

On the 11th Jan i did catering too, at gdwood park hotel. It was a last minute thing. Had physio orientation in morning, driving test in the aft. Met junkai at driving center, and he asked me to replace him so i went. Anyway it was a total china environment over there. haha. Unlike the travel agency job. i had to switch to using china accents, which came surprisingly naturally haha. Seems like with exposure to different accents, your brain would automatically adapt and switch to theirs. My china speaking was perfect k..haha. Anyway there was this supervisor called Ace. I like to laugh at his name. Nobody likes him, cos he favours girls and is nasty to guys. He smiles and jokes with girls, and den comes over to find fault with us. I would have had enjoyed job more or even go back to work again if not for him. Made many friends too, a prc called David, a bartender kelvin, and a poly girl attiqa, all were very nice to me, esp attiqa and david who helped me out alot. Thanks alot man, I really appreciated it =)

Anyway, the uniform was really cool, the guys one looks smart. i like the shoulder paddings. haha

Catering was quite an experience too. Now i can emphatize with the waiters/waitresses serving me..haha. It really isn't as lax as i thought, esp with some grumpy manager around. I did quite well that day i think. All i did was spill some sharks fin soup, and pour a glass of red wine on someone's pants. hahaha. The first one wasn't my fault, someone just rushed in and almost collided with me. The latter was.. nvm.. haha. Fortunately i only emptied 1.5/4 glasses, with only 1 glass full spilling onto him. And thankfully the manager didnt notice hahaha.

Anyway, Eureka travels still owes me money. Probably never tasted the fury of fire.

Day Job at travel agency

2007-01-12T01:46:00.000+08:00

10th January 2007

Warning: Flaming

2 days ago i had my first part time job, working for a certain Eureca travels (name changed for flaming purposes) company. This marks the end of my all-play-no-productivity period to the productive-play stage. Of course, no reproductive-play at this age.

The Job was from 8-3 and 6-9 at harbourfront cruise center, and the pay was real good, at 8 per hour. Quite an enjoyable experience, even though the company seriously sucks..haha

Much of the time spent was just stoning around, either because we had nothing to do, were waiting for something to do, were not given stuff to do, or were given stuff to do that were really pointless. I reached the cruise center a few minutes pass 8, which is very very punctual for my standards.. Surprisingly, i was one of the earliest ones there! Lol. Nowonder we're called casual labourers. Zongyi was late by more den 30 minutes, and then we waited about an hour for more people to arrive. Read: 1 hour = 8dollars.

After awhile I asked the lady in charge, i realized that we weren't waiting for more people to arrive, because everyone had already arrived. We had no idea what we were waiting for, just stand there stone and wait for instructions, which never really came. But who cares? stand there 1 hour, 8 dollars more haha =D.

There were so efficient in handling their manpower, that for quite awhile they looked quite flustered as to deciding what we could/should/were supposed to do. After some more waiting we were split up and finally assigned duties. We were supposed to direct tourists to their bus carriages, which just meant pointing to the exit on our right, but their instructions were sooo poor, we decided to start directing people around harbour front instead. Singapore cruise center should really pay us for showing people where phonebooths toilets mrts taxis cablecartower and money changers are.. hahaha.

We did that because we subsequently found out that our duty was void because all the C grp tourists (whom we were asked to direct) had already boarded their carriage and were already somewhere else to elsewhere. like wth man. but it's alright.. +8 +8.

After that it was nothing much, we relocated upstairs, where i had to do saigang jobs like carry signposts (which were quite heavy) up from the the storeroom (quite a distance). And the supervisor was also so fickle about the number of signposts he wanted that i had to run up and down a few times. But at least i was granted to privilege of access into embarkation checkin area, haha.

Real enjoyment came when were were given proper roles by the staff of the Artemis, a British ship docked here that was attached to Eureaka travel agency. It was a check-in counter, and we were basically runners to fetch matching cabin cards for the counter staff. The british people were really nice, and it was a pleasure to work for them and not some asdf agency. A good chance to play with fake british accents too. hahah.

released at 3.40+, i went to study for my basic highway code at the topfloor of vivocity, zongyi went pageone bookstore. We reported back at 630 after dinner.

They had moved their counters to another area, a more open and lousy environment. Only 2-4 counters were operating because of the small length of the counter. In front of the counter was right in the middle of harbourfrontmall, with no markings/cordons to direct the tourists as to where to stand. This was made worse by tourists that returned in bulks from carriages, instead of the slightly more trickle like arrivals in the afternoon. The old people had no where to sit, and we had to get chairs for them to sit. (they were almost all elderly)

All this while, the people frm youreka were nowhere in sight. No instructions, no guidance, no supervision. We had to do everythin on our own initiative, they really trust us to do everything huh? The British-Indian ship captain was getting quite pissed off by their absence as well, but thankfully he didnt shift the blame on us, "it's alright at least you tried to contact him". The british had apparently asked the agency for an extra table to set up another booth, but that table never came, and still the agency people were nowhere in sight.

That derrick (name altered) guy would probably still be somewhere walking around with the walkie talkie held to his ear, trying to look important, haha useless guy. Anyway he's this guy whos abt the same age as us, that walks around the whole day holding a walkie talkie (on his shoulder, most of the time). He may look busy, but a little more observation and you'd realize he's actually just walking around. Lol. Quite senior i think, probably related to boss. We should be paid more than him, irritating crap.

Soon after the Indian capt guy told me to go further down to direct passengers into the embarkation check-in area; the passage to the ship. Finally free of nonsense. I had the most fun here, greeting ppl and pointing them directions. Being able to offer them good service attitude is absolutely rewarding, the sense of satisfaction i got was really great =). I realised that im quite cut out for PR occupations, or just the lowly "hello goodmorning/thankyou" jobs. A receptionist/concierge would be fun! Anything that requires ppl services. By entering/exiting the ship so many times, a few of the tourists were already familiar with me, and smiled everytime they saw me. Before one of them boarded for the final time, he even said "won't forget you" and gave me thumbs up. That was like.. rocks.

Anyway what's so hard about providing good service and attitude? Besides me, there were 3 jc graduates like me, zy, and about 8-10 poly ppl. The poly ppl came wrongly attired, even tho we're told to wear white top black pants/shoes, and had to be given agency polos to wear. Attitude wise im not sure but they sure loved to crowd around and obstruct ppl. Almost all of them had dyed hair, and their dress sense is... what you expect frm neighbourhood schools. If foreigners ever have bad impressions of singaporeans, I can imagine who are responsible, lol. Oh well, at least they could speak decent english, not singlish. The jc ppl were properly attired, though they tend to look sloppy. I don't understand their inclination to have their shirts/polos partially tucked out, or their tendency to slouch. Why don't ppl see the importance in dressing/acting smart when working in service sectors? like hello it's a job. They just don't exude the kinda confidence ppl would expect; their posture, actions and the way they talk. even the poly ppl were a little better then them.

At the end of the day, zy told me that the indian guy had complained about poor service in singapore just before of all the things that happened, and that they come to S'pore once a year just to receive this kind of crap. Feel sorry for them man, felt like going up to tell them "hey Singapore's a great place, just that this agency sucks, please don't engage them next time".

Anyway it's a fact that the part time ppl who worked sometime back in 20-24th december or something haven't even got their pay yet. That's already more than 2 weeks ago. Makes me worried about whether id get paid or not.

They better pay up, or i'd arson down their pathetic office.

I was really bored. what do you expect from an unemployed boy? haha

Anyone looking for a creative director? hahah

Lore of Anskarion

burn?

Garbhgl baarghl

Career

Hey Yingying, you can try these links, some are quite fun! hahah

http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/career-quiz/Results.aspx?red=011011000111001101100000

Overcome Your Career Change Fear: 5 Expert Tips

nozzle alignment check

ahhhhh

B-day videos out! :D

If we hold on together

HI

Shit

Life's short, live your dreams

OMG

Process

Overdue Account

From: Jane Gilles Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account Dear David,

Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane,

Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account Dear David,

You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane,

Yes please.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account Attached

From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Whose spider is that? Dear Jane,

Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Whose spider is that? Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Automated Out of Office Response Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that? Dear David,

As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that? Attached

It's the packaging

Architect

When the stars go blue

I'm an architecture student

你读了吗？

the promise

Haengbok, Shiawase (:

Butterfly dusts

Pull up

So the world ends

Love's Questions

Perhaps

Pebble?

Suffocatinggg

I feel FAB-ulous

So how do you like..

Baygon kills fast

Hello!

Lives

Guess what

Sigh

Reasons

Happiness

Sneaks!

The empty jar and 2 cups of coffee

:D

Looking for love?

no need punching bag

GIve me a punching bag

Dissonance

Update!

So.. how was NS for you?

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.

Regards, David.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached