no need punching bag

I received a letter today, this is what it read:


"Dear Mr Ang

Congratulations! The University Admissions Selection Committee has approved your application for admission to the Na.nya.ng Tec.h.nological Univ.er.sity (NT.U) to read the following programme in academic year 2009-10, which commences on 11 August 2009:

Spo.rts Scie.nc.e & Man.agement
(First Year)

bla"


I was like..

wooooooo (insert imagination here)


Thank God (:

GIve me a punching bag

Damnnnn sadddddddddddddddd I screwed up my NTU sport science interview.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

URGHHHH so flustered I can kill

WALAUUUUUUUUUUUU. Why must some bugger call me twice in the interviewwwwwwwwwww. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY didn't I remember to turn off my phone.

I COULD HAVE GIVEN BETTER ANSWERS. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY SO NERVOUS

God bless me.

Dissonance

Rah the capriciousness of the weather is getting on my nerves. The weather was oh-so-perfect with the sun radiantly shining yesterday.. then it just has to rain this morning after I got so psyched up about going cycling today in the would-be-dried-up trails in bukit timah forest. What a bummer. Should have dragged my friends to some outdoor activity instead of bowling.

Visited a polyclinic today for my cough+phlegm which has persisted for more than a week now. It got better for awhile with medication but yesterday all the soreness and yellowish-green phelgm returned again :/ I probably should follow the doc's advise of "no strenuous activity for now" but I can't imagine a day without sports, haha not when I'm sooooo eager to get back in shape. I sooo badly miss/desire/crave the form I had when I was like 15/16! It's the kind of 'invincible-nothing-can-tire-me-out-feeling' that totally rocks your socks off. Resting just feels like a waste of time I'd run swim cycle badminton all in one day if my body permits hahaha sorry my logic short-circuited somewhere.




Anyway, allow me to start on a gloomy topic. I allowed myself to wander off into (a nowadays super rare) emo-mood after dinner today. I read some blog posts and started doing some retrospection.

At first all I thought was "man my english sucks now, and I barely have any intellect left, I should really start reading", and then the emo streak began. - My thoughts went into pandemonium, my countenance furrowed I felt oppressed my whole world disconcerted and my heart felt bitter as though it was eating itself up from the inside and I so wanted to stab it out. So there you go doesn't sound like a very healthy thing to do, not when I've been healthily cheerful for a long long time now. It left me feeling crappy after that. Since I've been there done that I might as well share about it, and I could use some advice and encouragement. Here were my thoughts:


I've made stupid mistakes which I still feel bitter about, and made decisions which I still regret or feel uncertain about. I'm still bugged by certain major "what-if"s and wonder if life could be happier had I made different choices. Circumstances change which affect the state of my family and financial well-being, which I too feel very bitter about. Why us? Why this? Life could have been so much better, if only...

If only I could accept life as it is, and thank God for what I have today. If only I could trust that God has my life in His hand, and that everything is perfectly planned out for me. I should, and have been trying to. Somehow it isn't that easy. I need more of God in my life, and I need more influence from christian friends around me. I haven't really been in a strong christian environment ever since I left acsi, and I really miss it - the prayer sessions, the blessings, and even the morning devotions and monday Chapel sessions. I should really join a cell group. How?


I made 3 resolutions to my friends after O levels, one of which was "I would always be the same weixuan, the loyal friend you've always known". I think I've managed to stick to it to a certain extent - outwardly. But internally, I haven't, and I don't think it's achievable anymore. I realized that what I had was naivety, which was what made life so simple, carefree. And then I lost it, and everything becomes perplexed, uncertain. Life turns into a calculated and cautious affair. I conclude that "being the same" is an impossible feat. I used to be motivated by the school values "scholar, officer, gentleman", and took great pride in trying to live up to. Now my ideals seem to be blurred and I don't exactly have values which I strive to maintain. I need an identity which i can be proud of.

My character feels like quite a mess, I've tried my best to sort it out but now I think it's kinda beyond me, just as it's futile trying to become someone that I can't become anymore. All these conscious efforts are making me feel as though I'm not exactly the real me anymore, or rather what is the real me now? It's just too artificial. I can only pray that God helps me regain my values and improve my character. speaking of which, I haven't prayed for a long time.



I think I'm too much a product of self-effort. I'm trying too hard to change myself, all the retrospection and metacognition are but means of self-correction. I just realized how out of touch I am with Christ, and I should really find out what I can do about it before I forget about it and 'move on with life'. I really need help. I need to involve God in my life again.



So there.. It sucks to be thinking, I was perfectly happy before I started on this, and I should keep it that way. I will never enter emo-mode again, willingly or unwillingly, as much as I can help it. Doesn't feel like a normal healthy thing to do. It's a weakness, an abnormality. I'd probably delete this post in a few days.
I just prayed, and I actually feel better. nice

Update!

Well well, I don't really to have much to say. Life is just too structureless and spontaneous for me to describe what I've been doing. hahah. It's perfect! Just the way I like it, except that time could be more well spent had I done some planning. I think I'd start using a calendar soon.

Trying to fill up my life with as many courses as I can. It's the self-investment phase! If you have an idea of what I can do with so much free time, or any part-time job that offers >7 per hour, please let me know! (:

The hair is back! and the fitness too, slowly but surely. hurray.

Recently I've caught myself smiling to myself pretty often too. Not related to retardation, thanks. They're thoughts of bliss. (: Could be attributed to certain someone. Haven't gotten this kinda feeling for the longest time, almost 6 years at least.



Okay time to think of what I should do for the rest of the day.

Take care friend, and thanks for visiting!



Oh btw, Taylor Swift is damnnn prettyy. phwoa! You should check out Love Story.
and it's the only one worth watching actually.

Enjoy (:

So.. how was NS for you?

It was a TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE, AT LEAST I GOT A FEEL OF WORKING UNDER INCOMPETENT MANAGEMENT.

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ORD LOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

YEAHHHH I'VE GOT MY PINK CARD YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME NOW HAAAHAHAHAHA.

NOO MORE INCOMING CALL PHOBIA!! WOOOOOOOO

Just let us ORD

This week,

I failed an exam
got confined
got scammed of $250
and activated at 1am the same night
overworked till 5pm the next day
had no sleep
almost charged for disregarding orders
for not staying in during confinement.
signed two more extras
on cny 1st and 2nd day,
which also happens to be
my brothers birthday and
my father's death anniversary.
Will be charged upon next mistake big or small,
with more to come.

Brilliant.

Can't wait for the time to come, where I can happily look back and say:
"terrible experience, at least I got a feel of working under incompetent management"

Happy 2009!

Happy 2009 everyone! (: May it be a brighter and cheerier year for you! May ORD come sooner for those of us still stuck in misery!

This was done in a rush, so never mind the sloppiness. Expect to see more features of these two! I'm coming up with a 3rd, still deciding on what style she should get.

That's it for now, take care! and God bless! (:

Merry Sweet/Sizzling Christmas!

Here's a very merry Christmas!! From my dear Santarinas! (:

May you soak in the festive joy, and have as much fun as possible before the hols are over!

Thanks once again for dropping by, dear friend!

The pre-Christmas post

Hello again, nothing much has happened, except for my recent trip to Genting, and the recent 78 hike 2 days ago. Blog posts are so boring without drawings or photos, so I'd upload some photos soon! No drawings still, been feeling more sporty than arty the past few weeks.

Was up at Genting with my family and relatives. We drove up in 3 cars, but I was not allowed to drive because my mom is biased cos I still have a P-plate. Hey man p-plates don't show anything >:( And experience counts for nothing without experimentation. Centuries of safe and slow (boring) driving and keeping to the speed limits won't do good to your driving skills! Anyway there were about 20 of us who went, inclusive of 7 psp owners. 10 of us from the younger gen, so it was fun. I think company is quite crucial a factor for enjoying places like Genting, where the main attraction is like the theme park (we're all underage for the casino).

The foggy road trip

As usual, received tonnes of miss calls from camp, no less than the amount I got the last time I visited Genting in June. A major improvement however, is that I managed to free my mind off work this time round. The last time I was like whoa... holiday still being bugged by calls burdened by thoughts pertaining to work. I guess it's also partly because I am no longer ops officer (: and maybe because I've mastered the art of heck-caring now that Im in the ORD-ing stage.

Bought quite many clothes! There were good offers around, probably cos it's the festive season. I like the brand Soda, which sadly can't be found in Singapore. Quite a few 50% deals (: Have yet to do Christmas shopping in Singapore though, thought I think I'd be too lazy to do anything, and it's already like 23rd. Shopping aside there was the theme park. This time I tried the space shot. It's a ride that goes vertically up like 10 storeys or so, hangs there for 10 secs then drops. hahaha. Woohoo! Totally rocks. I would have gone for more rounds if I hadn't strained my neck again. Tip: don't look down when dropping, I had a hard time fighting to pull my head back up nearing the end of the drop (think opposite of whiplash).

The space shot!
proof of space shot


One thing I noticed about Malaysian (girls) is that I think they're friendlier than Singaporeans. Sorry I tend to notice more about the opposite sex because I am a guy. They also dress better, which is a huge ++ point over Singaporeans. Their dress sense is not as classy though, like more inclined towards the Taiwanese style, but what matters is that at least they bother to dress up. Most of them do up their hair, or spot fashionable styles. I spotted at least 10 with my fav hair style there. I respect them for how they can look pretty without relying on branded clothes and exp stuff. Same respect for office girls in Bangkok, who on the flip side can look refined and urbane with clothes that cost like $15 for 3. I think Singaporeans have a long way to go.

My grandma and most of my relatives frequented the casinos, for the slot machines, the free drinks and the nice porridge. They play them just for fun of course, like the machines only require 5c per game. I did manage to slip in for the thrill, but there wasn't much to experience. Tried the slot machines but they were so boring. But I began to understand how people get hooked on to gambling, and the nasty attraction it possesses. They capitalize on greed, drawing people to pour their money into these meaningless games. It was easy for me to pull out after losing $10, just feeling abit dulan, or stop for the day after raking in $25, but I think its alot more screwed up if you play them without a "just for fun" mentality. The probability of winning is just so low, it takes quite little IQ to not realize that. Not surprising that the people in there playing mostly look kinda dazed and stoned, not the regular bright chaps you see along shenton way.

It's just Genting, but I greatly enjoyed the trip. I have wonderful relatives, and I'm glad that we're all closely knit. I treasure times like these, cos one day all of us kids will grow up, and be engulfed by our personal lives. I hope that when that happens, we'd still be young at heart enough to enjoy such activities as much as we do now.


The recent 78 hike was fun! I thought it was a good initiative courtesy of Andy. It was something different, and a leisurely stroll through a nature park was rather refreshing. Chuan yuan even printed out the maps and had a planned route! Good job! I wouldn't mind more of these. The original route was from Macritchie to Bukit Timah Hill, but somewhere along the way we horlan-ed and ended up on boring Rifle Range Road that lead down to KAP, which was not bad actually! Considering how some of us were rather shagged, and that dusk was nearing. Along the road, we passed by 2 female cyclists on road bikes. Didn't look like recre cyclists, one was on a Specialized and the other on a Scott, and they had some form. One of them was pretty cute. hahah. That's rare.

Photo courtesy of Chuan Yuan

It was great meeting up with the class peeps. I'm glad our class is still quite bonded after 2 years. Feels like forever since I've been out of school.

This is too wordy a post. The end.

How's life?

It's 3.55am now, and I'm so saddeningly stuck in a military outpost somewhere near NTU, and forced to stay awake for manning at such odd hours.. :( :(

As of last week, I have been officially posted out of my dreadful desk-bound job! Yes I am no longer the ops officer. Call me TCO. and don't haunt me with all that audit crap anymore. I now get to take joy rides in vehicles, enjoy sunlight, not stay cramped up in a windowless room for the whole day, and get to sleep all day! (:

2 months and 11 days left to ORD, I soooo can't wait. Because I don't like the army, I will move on to other topics.


My scanner is refusing to work anymore, even though it can still print. Very cranky. So now I can't upload anymore drawings. What's worse is that my ownage freeware drawing programe has expired! Yeah it's only a trial version... I have to pay about $85 for an official license to use the software.. :( :( sadd.. I made quite good use of it I guess, haha, with the previous 3 paintings. All personal bests! Happy to be improving (: I was rushing to do some final touchups and editing on the last day of the trial, and now I can say, I'm quite happy with the painting! Nothing much that I can impr0ve on anymore.. except perhaps the trees.... but that is beyond my ability at this point in time.

So, well. No more drawing until I find another freebie software I guess.. Or until I decide to pay.


Been trying to cycle more recently, but somehow finding it difficult to find my motivation. Have got a race coming up next year Feb, am trying to train up for it. It's quite a large scale race, involving multiple road closures for the race. It'd be Singapore's first road race! I really want to get into National team, but it's soooooo far away! Hope that I can prove myself someday.


Yesterday 78 just had a class-gathering :) Nice to see everyone again. Think of it we have quite a close-knit class, that's something we shouldn't take forgranted. So many of them going overseas to study!


Talking about overseas, I so wish to go overseas for studies too! But I'm so lazy to do my research and find out what's good and what's not. Actually I can't even decide on my course, let alone decide where to study. Not really very keen on architecture.. not after hearing all the negativity about the job. There is not one person I've asked who tells me that there are at least some perks in being an architect, only my mom, who thinks architects have the kind of "cool", after all the lead characters of a few famous Korean dramas were all architects.

Im having an idea of studying photography, then learning make up and hair-styling from my mom, and then studying fashion design. This way I can provide the clothes, the make up, and the photoshoots, all in one! and earn all the money for myself. hahah. Owns all the bridal studios that outsource parts and bits of their sets. It could even be better as I can decide on a theme, and have everything exactly aligned to the kind of effect I'm out to achieve. Sounds good to a perfectionist! Only thing is that this path is damn metro, kinda gay.

I'm thinking of migrating after I graduate too, Singapore is really getting a little stale. The market here is also kinda small, and way too competitive for me. I wish to have a more laid-back lifestyle, and enjoy life more a little. Life's too short be spend it all pre-occupied with work and steeped in stress and worries. It'd be nice if the global climate change could bring about seasonal changes in Singapore.. riight.


Actually, it'd be nice if i were attached. Okay nevermind, I should just stop watching so many love-story-related movies and TV dramas. Speaking of which, I've just bought many more! They were on offer, $20 for 4, regardless of movies or full length drama serials. So cheap, how to not buy??


Ok I don't really have much else to talk about. Army robs us of our happening lives. But I wonder if it'd really get more happening after ORD. Looking at our ORD-ed friends.. I'm having some doubts.


Once again thanks so much for dropping by here. and thanks paul for being the new-frequent-visitor-and-poster! hahah. Everyone please try to tag whenever you visit! Makes me feel that indeed I do have many friends. haha.

Bye!

Winter's Sonata

Could not help feeling that there were still problems with the picture, so I relented and the perfectionist in me took over again. haha

Whitened her hairband, and changed a bit of the jawline, then added a more radiant pinkish glow to her cheeks.

Lastly, I framed it and added some words, to make it more presentable. Now it's worthy of being a wallpaper! (:

Autumn Memories

And it's finally completed! :) Not exactly but I've given up working on it.

This one is now crowned officially as "Most Time Consuming Piece"! Surpassing the lighthouse girl.

I finally figured out the main problems!
1. The trees and the trunks had no depth. - added some shading to the trunks. The leaves.... just some shading, too hard!
2. The treetops are all lumped together. - I tried to separate and distinguish the trees.. to some avail...
3. The ground looks funny. - because it had no shadows! Added in some sun-rays and tree-shadows. Very good! :)
4. The distant background is dusty and lonely. - Now there's the sea beyond the trees!
5. Her face.... - It was her mouth, her eyes, and her eyebrows... I finally figured after trying to change many things. I think the new one is not bad :)

Sigh.. Next!