Lives

To me, it's about happiness and contentment, warmth and friendship, time and love, and the way they're achieved through an intricate concoction of each one or another. It's a delicate process of balance, between wants and needs, the priorities you believe in, and consequently the choices you effect in your partition of time, in concordance to your valuation of all the former. This balance is oh so hard to grasp! Decisions are so hard to make when the mind is in such stateless flux. I can't even identify a general direction, or understand what it is that I really want, or discern if my wants are what I need and whether they are what's best for me.

Time is love, and time is happiness. Time is solace and time is freedom. Time is whatever you want to apply it to, and there are so many things that I desire. How then, if I have not much time to spare for all these that I want, especially when I'm in the prime of my youth? As much as I'm struggling to squeeze out 'personal' time, I'm trying hard as well to incorporate all these into my 'occupied' time, and its not very easy when I'm so unmotivated in what I'm doing now. So far it's the friends that keep me going. I have 0 drive.

So I'm back at square 1, again. It's practicality vs passion. There's the school that's driven by the former, and there's the one that trusts on the latter to sail them through life. I don't know which one I belong to, and I don't really have an in-between choice. Howwww ahhh


Btw, I'm not emo-ing fyi. I am happy. Just very lost. :D / :S

















And.. life is about patience. Good things come to those that persevere. hahahah



To top it all off, in the past month, to date, and in the weeks to come, I have / am /had
1. In NUS jazztitude which I hardly have time for anymore.
2. Been chionging last minute for our team relay which we got 5th when we could have been less lazy and possibly gotten 3rd and RICHH.
3. been practicing for a charity rock concert at smu on Oct
4. Having latin classes
5. and helping out a friend in her school's prom performance in Dec
6. playing dmc4, and now there's grand tourismo for PSP
7. In a DE club which I haven't done anything for.
8. just joined the NUS.SO and went for my first prac on wed.
9. working at the esplanade.
10.going for the SDE halloween!
11. attending all the so many birthdays that happen week after week. Why are so many friends born in oct/nov! it's such a bad time.
12. yet to start on exam preparations

Lets see how I survive. Id have leveled up if I can do all these and still achieve a cap of 3.5 hahaha.

Guess what

I may be switching course!

1. NTU sports science and management
2. NTU accountancy
3. NTU biomedical sciences and TCM
4. NUS biomedical sciences
6. physio

5. stay archi

6. either 1 of the 1-5, then dentistry
7. either 1 of the 1-5, then medicine

8. either 1 of the above, then Duke-NUS postgrad med / NTU medicine 2012?

9. Aussieland, sports sciences / nutrition / dietitics

So. What's it gonna be? Shoot me someone. Hammer me while I'm still stateless before I do something and possibly regret.

Sigh

Why.

Why does it always turn out this way?

When will I ever succeed?

Why is easy never easy enough.

Am I just not gay enough.

Why is Ryu gayer.

Are keyboard users doomed to failure,

Is an analogue gamepad the pivotal tool for success?

Why.

Reasons

What do I want?

What am I looking for

What do I lack

What do i need?

What do I want in life

Why does this void subsist

Why must I find a reason

Why cant I identify that reason?

Am I being realistic?

Are my perceptions grounded in reality?


Do I think too much