RELATIONSHIP 101 For NOOBS
A collection of relevant questions from noob and friends
A collection of relevant questions from noob and friends
Q: Just follow your heart, is that good advice?
A: Not. To be used in conjunction with the left brain. Otherwise it'd lead you into retarded situations ie. back into the arms of a jerk. Know what you want out of it, long term, and visualize how much of it is realistically possible. Think about how serious you are into it.
Q: Do I need a reason to like someone?
A: No, just ensure that you have the right intentions. Happiness is good enough a reason.
Q: How do I know she's the right one for me?
A: You won't, until you've committed and tried. Rationalizing and hypothesizing won't get you anywhere.
Q: What if someone better comes along?
A: There will always be someone better coming along. If you can't treasure that uniquely special someone that you've chosen, and would choose the "upgrade" option whenever it's available, then maybe it's better that you stay single.
Q: What if I get together and someone better really comes along?
A: Think about it when it comes. Usually you won't be noticing that someone unless your own relationship is shallow and teetering.
Q: Why do girls like bad boys?
A: No fucking clue!
Q: Is it true that good guys never get the girls?
A: Actually they do, when they turn 40.
Q: I'm waiting for my ideal girl to appear, still waiting.
A: Help yourself to a seat and continue waiting for the rest of your life. Either way, as a man, you don't wait, you search.
Q: What if it doesn't work out? I don't want to commit and end up getting hurt.
A: Discern and choose wisely then. It can only be classified as "didn't work out" after you two have tried working things out, to no avail. If so, at least the pain is allayed by the knowledge that you two have tried your best.
Q: I'm in my first relationship, and I feel paranoid and insecure, is it normal?
A: No, it means communication breakdown. It's your job to provide her assurance, and vice versa.
Q: But I'm like that what... it's either she like it or she don't.
A: There's a balance between acceptance and conformation. It's not wrong to want to change your partner, and it's not wrong that you don't want to change for her either. But realize first that change could be a means of improvement, and she could be nurturing you toward a better self.
Q: I'm afraid I can't commit.
A: Are you a commitmentphobe? Then don't commit. Player? Engage a fellow player.
Q: My prospective partner is afraid to commit.
A: Could be that he has had bad emotional experiences before. If so, make sure you are able to commit before you coax him out and have him believe that you are seriously into it as well. If you can't, don't lead it on, be decisive and end it fast.
Q: It feels like my prospective partner likes me, doesn't want to lose me, but wants to keep her options open in case of better possibilities. She has other suitors too.
A: It isn't nice to retain so many cards while taking your time to decide which to keep, before playing all the rest away. Have her wake up by making her cognizant of the fact that you are not a constant in her fickle-ly variable life, and that there is a very real possibility of her losing you. And hopefully she'd wake up and consider, realizing that you are too good to lose.
Q: My prospective partner makes me feel special, but is somehow unable (unwilling) to commit any time for me, or provide any form of verbal emotional commitment.
A: You are being played, see above. For your best interests, set a definite dateline for her, to be in a committed relationship, or else get out completely. Don't float on in her sea of indecisiveness.
Q: I thought she was a nice girl, how did this happen??
A: Sorry but we all thought so too ): We wish there would exist an absolute way of distinguishing between good girls and 'good girls' but there isn't. They all look the same.
Q: I like this girl and confessed as well. There is a possibility of her liking me, but as for now she likes someone else. Should I continue trying?
A: As things are now, there are four possibilities: 1) they get together and you be heartbroken, 2) it doesn't work out for them and you finally have a chance, but that would mean you were a "back-up option" all the while, can you live with that. 3) nothing at all happens, you could be gd friends 4) She changes her mind and likes you back, undoubtedly the best ending of all, probability of 1/4. Sorry but you'd have to decide for yourself.
Here is a collection of all the most critical questions I’ve came across or asked myself, along with their answers, which have greatly impacted me some way or another. They guided me out of confusion, and back towards you.
ReplyDeleteHalf of them do not involve you or me though; they are thoughts relevant to the situations that some of my friends are facing now. They were thoughts that guided them, but I chronicled them anyway, because perhaps they might be helpful for someone else reading this. Some were my responses to their plights. Others are just random generic questions that came to mind. FYI one of them is dating a girl who isn’t willing to settle down, while the other is heartbroken because his girlfriend cheated on him. I was quite irritated with that girl, that's why I was quite harsh in my language if you realized. Okay either way all these points are irrelevant I won't talk about them.
Many of these were actually brought up during HTHT sessions with my best friends. No matter how much they nagged at me, there were things they told me that I’ve never believed, and these were the things I had to learn through you, through regretful mistakes, heartaches, and pain. It's too late for me, but at least I've gained from the experience. They told me that they genuinely felt you were good for me, but I was still confused. They said it's hard to find someone to like, who likes you back the same way, and that I shouldn't let this chance slip by, but I did. So, I've penned all my thoughts into words, hoping that some of them could benefit and guide you too, just as they have steered me towards the right direction. I hope they would lead you towards making the right decisions, even if it’s not towards me.
Being in love exposes you to an explosion of emotions, which often leaves you blinded and overwhelmed that you can’t think clearly any more. That’s when thoughts like these come in to sort things out, to validate the feelings of the heart, because when the whole “being in love” mess fades away, the mind thinks clearly again, and when that happens, you won’t regret choosing that certain someone, and you are able to embrace him/her. When the phase of “being in love” fades off, and you’re still so into your partner even after you know of their flaws and weaknesses, it’s “love”, and it’d last a lifetime.
Here's the stripped down version, free of unnecessary information, sincerely meant for you.
RELATIONSHIP 101, for you.
ReplyDeleteQ: Just follow your heart, is that good advice?
A2: Please be careful when choosing guys. I really don’t understand, I’ve seen enough friends getting hurt by bad boys, and it confounds me when they go back to them again for another round of pain. Maybe it’s just genetics; you girls are so much more emotion-based than we are. Players, it’s all about mind tricks, and it’s very dangerously powerful. If you want to protect yourself, read books like “The Game” so you would know what not to fall for. I can only repeat this over, and hope that my female friends don’t fall for any of their traps.
Q: Do I need a reason to like someone?
A2: More like “Do I need a reason to go after someone?” I tried finding reasons, but it’s stupid, I will never be able to find enough, I couldn’t even define enough anyway. I finally realized that what mattered most was happiness, and contentment. There will always be things that some other girl can do, that my girlfriend can’t, or something she can’t, that my ideal girl can.
Q: How do I know she's the right one for me?
A2: I would never know. When I said ‘committed and tried’, I didn’t mean jumping into a relationship, but rather letting you know that I like you, so that if you like me, we could give each other a chance to know each other better at this special level, such as how understanding you’d be, how much space you need, or how accommodating or demanding you would be in your expectations.
Q: What if someone better comes along?
A: I was really worried that one day I may hurt you. But after I allowed myself to truly like you, I realized it was really such an invalid fear, absurd. If you were so special to me, I should’ve cherished you, and I would have been contented. I should’ve learnt this earlier, I’m sorry. There is no way to define a ‘better girl’, and there would be no ‘best’ girl, other than my future girlfriend. This is the most significant point for me.
Q: What if I get together and someone better really comes along?
A: I’d think about it when it comes. But I really doubt I’d even worry about finding myself thinking about it anymore. I believe you think the same way too.
Q: I'm in my first relationship, and I feel paranoid and insecure, is it normal?
A: It’s not normal, you didn’t tell me what was going onnnnnnnnn, and it was obvious that there was something wrong.
Q: I like this girl and confessed as well. There is a possibility of her liking me, but as for now she likes someone else. Should I continue trying?
A: I asked myself this because I was hurt, dazed and confused. I needed a find a direction. My answer? Yes. There’s always hope, until you two turn mutual.